You’d think that finding love would be easier with the internet and with women being more and more independent and liberated.
You’d also think that with age comes a deeper wisdom of the heart, allowing one to pick a more compatible partner, instead of spending time with men that bring more misery than love and joy.
But, finding true love is very different to just finding someone you can tolerate, or finding someone who’s “good enough or “who’ll do”, because it takes a unique set of skills to weed out the incompatible from the compatible.
You see, we meet all types of men, yet all too often women choose a man who sparks something within her that she believes the others cannot, as a result of this mindset and conditioning, many women walk away from great men for no plausible reason.
MORE => Find out why you might be doing this and how to change it
Does this sound anything like your current situation?
Have you made a habit of picking the wrong men for you?
Have you ever loved a man wholeheartedly who does not love you the same way?
Have you ever gone against yourself, your better judgement, when choosing who to love?
Following are 2 tips that will reveal a new way of thinking that will allow you to find deep, intimate and truly compatible love.
1. Start being open to different types of men and stop expecting sparks to appear instantly.
Some of the greatest love stories were not born from instant fire and attraction. Movies, TV and media in general paint an unrealistic fantasy image of attraction and love. Real life can be very different. It’s time to get real and rewrite your fantasy…
By now you probably know that just because you get excited around a man, does not mean he’s a great match for you. Attraction does not guarantee that the person you desire is going to be loving, kindhearted, your best friend and your greatest supporter in life. Alternatively, there are also some men that will be beautiful souls who will still not be compatible for you.
Of course, you can have an instant connection and attraction to a man and have a wonderfully loving and lasting relationship, though this is rare, and it’s because of this kind of fantasy and attachment to instant chemistry, that sees many women overlook quality men who will ultimately satisfy them in ways that truly matter.
My job here today is to make sure that you’re not stepping over great men to get to the wrong guy, which takes you away from you finding a man who’s really, really GOOD for you. For example: Have you ever had a male friend who you didn’t find attractive at first then once you got to know him he became increasingly handsome and appealing, his personality and his great character started to shine through? I know I’ve had this experience and it snuck up on me and took me by surprise.
Before you run a mile from a man that feels safe and whole, try to ignore the ‘so so’ or ‘ho-hum’ feelings you might have towards him and give him a chance. Sometimes the best guys can be a little shy at first and not as charming as you’d hoped for, but once you spend some quality time with them many of them will have you wobbling at the knees (with desire).
2. Retune your TURN-ON gauge
This point relates to the above topic and will give you a different spin on attraction…
There is a moment when you meet someone when you become hooked, which leads to you deciding that this could be the guy for you, which sees you building an unhealthy level of attachment. Most women (and men) are “turned-on” to stuff they see on the surface (the icing on the cake) – the stuff that can spur attraction and desire, though not necessarily a loving relationship.
To find love I encourage you to start getting turned-on by the stuff that matters – a thoughtful man, a gentleman, an honest person, a reliable man.
If a man is all show and little substance then this is when your “turn-off” switch needs to be activated. Instead, most women further invest themselves emotionally and begin obsessing about a man who does not possess what they actually need. Why would average behaviour or men who show you little interest get you more interested? Madness, right?!
MORE => Learn more about this here
Just because he’s handsome, charismatic or charming, funny, a great lover or has a nice bank account (or looks like he does), or says the right things, does not equal a quality man. If words and actions are not consistently matching up then take note.
There are men out there in the world that play games with women, as there are women who play emotional games with men. There are sociopaths living and breathing in our society so be careful. Listen to your gut – to what you KNOW is true, not what you HOPE is true.
When something smells in the fridge, your find it and throw it in the bin. You don’t go back and rummage through the trash and put it back in the fridge. It stays there, it goes to the tip! When something’s “off” then it’s past it’s use-by-date.
Why do we not make dating and relationships that simple?
Every woman I have coached out of unhealthy relationships or difficult breakups knew when they initially met their now ex that something wasn’t right, the red-flags were there! They turned a blind eye, they hoped for the best, gave the guy the over used ‘benefit of the doubt’, and look what happened, it ended up in tears!
Start paying attention to the real data that is there. If you thought of dating and relationships as a science or mathematical experiment, and you were to graph the behaviors of your man and how you feel around the men you date (or in relationship); some would barely make in on the graph, well not in any significant way, except for MAYBE one or two areas – woman get hooked to the one or two things that register on the graph. They stay in relationships like this for years, praying that one day he’ll develop the other areas that really matter for her.
Tip – Take your time when you meet someone to see if they have the qualities that matter. Allowing yourself to become emotionally hooked to someone you’ve only known for a short period of time is dangerous.
By the way, men struggle with this too. Here are a few reasons why women pull away and dismiss certain men and why they select other men => this could be an eye opener for you.
So it’s time to re-adjust your turn-on-factor for love success! Get excited and “hot and bothered” for quality men, men of great character!
Nadine x
MORE => Retune your turn-on gauge here
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