A client reached out to me the other day in regards to what she believed to be a healthy relationship. Basically she had been in a relationship with this guy for about two years and things seemed to be going well….or so she thought…
She goes on to explain that one day he just told her out of the blue that he needed a break and was unsure of the relationship anymore. When she asked him why, at first he hesitated, though she wanted to know to truth, as uncomfortable as it might be to hear…
His response was, “I’ve watched you slowly change from being an independent, sexy, and confident woman with goals to someone who is solely focused on me.”
I’m sure that’s the response some of you have.
Why in the world would a man decide to leave a woman who keeps him as her main focus? Most guys would kill for a girl who makes him the center of her life, right?
Unfortunately though, this is one of the BIG things that turns-off a man, it is also one of the most common mistakes women make in relationships. Neglecting other important aspects of your life is a relationship killer. It creates complacency and predictability, in a way that’s uninspiring, and has a man falling asleep at the table.
Imagine being with a man who to begin with was a go-getter. He was engaged in his various pursuits of interest, introducing you to new things, passionate about all that life has to offer, and then after time, he started letting these interests go.
At first it may have been nice to spend more time with him, heck you may have even felt special and wanted at first, you were his priority, though over time you noticed that you started to feel like something was lacking. He was no longer as interesting and playful as you remembered. The most exciting thing he wanted to do was binge watch a favorite series on Netflix.
He was always available. Lovely at first… a passion and Love-Zapper over time!
Let me guess – you wouldn’t like this in your man, well, nor does he!
Bottom line – Men love freedom, mystery and passion, and these things are easy to cultivate when you cultivate and remain connected to you.
So how do you get a healthy balance?
You’re Supposed to Focus on Him – To an Extent
Before we delve a bit deeper into why too much focus on your man can hinder your relationship, let’s first make one thing clear…
You’re supposed to care about and focus on him from time to time. In any healthy relationship both the man and the woman should focus on the needs of the other. Whether that is ensuring that they feel respected and appreciated or helping them to achieve a goal or caring for their well-being, you’re supposed to focus your attentions on your significant other.
The problem comes when you’re so focused on him that it becomes your entire day. If you’ve reached a point that his needs, wants, aspirations, goals, health, well-being, are above your own, this is a red flag and you may start to see him push (or run) the other way.
When we love someone, we can be too close to fully understand and then grasp how our actions are unraveling the very thing we want to nurture…
6 Ways Why Focusing Too Much On Him Hurts Both You And The Relationship:
1. You Stop Loving Yourself – The best way to attract men is by first loving yourself. Your confidence is likely one of the first things he fell in love with. You are constantly changing and growing as an individual and just as loving your partner require continual effort so does loving yourself. If you’ve focused all your attention on how to make sure he’s in love, you lose sight of who you have become as a woman and what it means to love you.
2. You Lose Sight of Your Needs/Goals – While it is certainly beneficial to support the goals of your partner and to tend to their needs, you should not allow it to consume your day. If you spend hours on in trying to make sure that his needs are met and that he’s reaching his goals, what time does that leave for you to focus on your own needs and goals? Eventually he’s excelling as an individual and you… well, you’re stagnant.
3. Your Insecurities Increase – Security is another way to attract men. When a man sees that you’re secure in yourself and the relationship, he is appreciative. If you make a man the center of your world he becomes your life. Essentially you begin to wonder what will happen to your life without him. What happens if he cheats? How will you survive? This in turn leads to a vicious cycle. You fear he’ll cheat or leave you so you spend even more time focusing on him so that he doesn’t.
4. You Instinctively Become Needy – Another one of the mistakes women make in relationships is becoming too needy. You become so involved in his life, his needs, and his wants that you have no idea of what to do without him. Your day revolves around him, your happiness revolves around him, and eventually the responsibility to tend to your needs becomes a bit of an overload to your man.
5. You Make Him Resent You – When you get to the point that your every thought and action revolves around your guy you become dependent upon him for happiness in your own life. You start to want him around 24/7 to keep you occupied. The only issue is, he will start to resent the very idea that he has to give up his individuality to focus all of his attention on you.
6. You Lose Yourself – The most important aspect to any relationship is that you take care of and love yourself. Though you have a partner that loves and cares for you as well, individuality is an imperative part of a healthy relationship. If you’re spending your days consumed with him, you lose your friends, you stop doing the things you once enjoyed, you isolate yourself from your family… basically, you lose who you are at the core.
Losing oneself is often the biggest mistake women make in relationships. My client made the mistake of consuming too much of her day with the needs, wants, and aspirations of her partner. In turn, she became boring, lost sight of herself, became stagnant with her personal growth and development… and unfortunately lost what could have been a lasting relationship.
Of all the ways to attract men today, the best asset you have going is YOU. Remember to always love and honor yourself first and continue to do so throughout your relationship.