You’re having breakfast with a girlfriend at a café and who should walk in? Yes, that guy you briefly met a few weeks ago, and have a secret crush on, is now standing only a few yards a way from you!
Your heart starts to race, and as he sees you and starts to head your way, your cheeks flush as fear and excitement takes over you! He greets you with a smile and you manage to mutter an awkward hello. Within seconds, he’s gone off to find a table, and once you’ve recovered you mentally kick yourself because you know there were a million other better things you would have liked to have said to your sweet crush!
You’d think that this type of shyness would have disappeared after high school, but even as an adult, attraction jitters can still haunt you. Often it seems so hard to figure out how to make him want you, or even notice you, if you’re reduced to a stuttering, self-conscious mess whenever he’s around! Sure, shyness can be cute, though not if you’re a complete mute.
Perhaps you’re pretty good at holding a conversation with a man you’re interested in, though instead of revealing your wittier, sexier and more flirtatious side, you tend to come across as disinterested or even discouraging!
So how can you get over your shyness when the guy you like is around?
1. Ask why you’re being shy or self-conscious.
You may be self-conscious or shy for a number of reasons, such as feeling like you don’t look your best, or you think that he’s way too handsome for you, or you think that you’ll never come up with anything clever to pique his interest. Whatever the reason may be, this way of thinking is unhelpful because there is no perfect thing to say or way to look. It’s more important to like who you are and to know that you’re of value no matter what you say or what you look like, and guess what happens then? You will tend to communicate more clearly and feel much more confident and worthy of love and attention. Which makes you naturally more attractive.
2. Take a deep breath.
This kind of fear, anxiety and self-doubt comes from our head, from our thoughts. Sometimes all that’s needed is to take a deep breath to get back into your body and to calm yourself down. When you’re calmer, you can be a lot more rational. And if you’re rational, you’re more likely to come to terms with the fact that he’s just a guy, and there’s no reason for you to get all worked up over a quick conversation with him.
3. Keep your awesome attributes in mind.
Further to my first point, this is possibly one of the most crucial steps for how to improve your confidence around men. You’re an awesome, beautiful person with a lot to offer the world. Look into the mirror and tell yourself about all the great qualities you have, whether it’s your smile, your kind heart, your intelligence, your voice… Anything!
Remind yourself that there are a ton of reasons for a guy to like you as much as you like him. Keep these in mind whenever a man you like is around and will instantly feel comfortable around you. And when a man feels good around you he will want to get to know more about you.
4. Steer the conversation in his direction.
When you feel shy the best way to communicate with a man is ask him questions about himself. People love to talk about themselves. Our very selves are apparently our most favorite topic, so when he’s talking about himself he will feel at ease (in most cases).
Doing this helps you focus the attention on the guy, and this may help you become less self-conscious. It can also show the guy that you’re interested in what he has to say, which is always a plus! Lastly, asking him questions can further your conversation, thus eliminating the dreaded awkward silences that might drive many a self-conscious and shy girl to fill with anxiety-inducing thoughts.
5. Neutral topics are a great way to start.
No idea what to ask him? Start with something both of you will be comfortable talking about. For instance, you may work in the same office, but in a different department. You can ask him if he knows a friend of yours from the same department.
If you go to the same gym, you can casually ask him if he thinks it’s a good idea to increase the weights on your rowing machine after your third session.
If you hang out in the same circle of friends, you can ask him how long he’s known your common friend for.
Always remember that no matter how different you seem, there will always be at least one neutral topic that can help you initiate small talk. And when you’ve graduated from small talk, there’s no reason not to venture into deeper and more meaningful conversations.
6. Keep your friends close.
I’m a big believer is facing your fears and overcoming shyness, BUT if you’re really struggling with overcoming your dating jitters, then bring in some friends to help relieve the tension. A great way to ask a guy out in a casual low-key kind of way is to ask him to join you and your friends somewhere casual.
Having friends around can help you feel a little more at ease and sociable, because you already know that you don’t need to try extra hard to impress them. Also, having them around can help keep the conversation going, which may prevent you from feeling awkward around him.
Being shy around a guy you like is perfectly natural; just make sure that your shyness doesn’t do you out of love. No cheating, when you believe in you the rest will follow.
~ Nadine Piat