A man’s maturity can’t be measured by how old he is, how much money he makes, or even the fact that he’s got kids. Sometimes, you really need to get up close and personal with a guy before telltale signs of emotional immaturity start to rear their ugly head.
Dating an immature man can leave you feeling frustrated and even angry because you just can’t seem to meet eye-to-eye on fundamental issues.
Not quite sure if he struggles with emotional immaturity? Check for these traits:
He can’t make a commitment. Whether it’s in terms of jobs or relationships, he might be the type to immediately quit at the first sign of trouble. If you ask him why his last job or relationship failed, he may even end up pinning the blame on someone else. Maybe his last boss really was a jerk or his ex really was a psycho. But if he becomes distant during your first problem as a couple, maybe he can’t commit to developing a healthy connection with you either.
He’s unreliable. When you need him to help out, he’s mysteriously out of reach. In fact, anything that may inconvenience him would take a lot of haggling before you get him to agree. A guy who does this may be too immersed in himself to bother worrying about you and your problems. He may also say one thing and do another, he’s not a man of his word.
He has questionable priorities. His rent has been due for weeks, and yet he manages to buy a new flat-screen TV. It always seems like his top priority is his pleasure and convenience, and real world problems like rent, bills and maintaining a steady relationship are much further down the list.
He doesn’t want to decide. He always leaves decisions up to you because when that decision turns out to be a mistake, he won’t get the blame. This can be incredibly infuriating, especially when even the tiniest decisions have to be made by you. Think: what’s for dinner, what movie are we seeing, where should we go tonight – all you! Or….
He doesn’t let you decide. He doesn’t seem to be concerned about what you like, want or desire. He decides what movie he wants to see, what he’s going to do and when without consulting you, he doesn’t want to share a meal or compromise on anything or at best, rarely. He may even be selfish in the bedroom!
He can’t handle conflict. He might point fingers, raise his voice or simply disappear for days. He doesn’t even try to fix the problem or at least compromise. He’ll just try to get on your good side when he thinks the problem has magically solved itself.
He lacks initiative. He may have goals and dreams, but the most he’s done to achieve them is to tell people about it. He always seems to be waiting for the “right time”, but in reality, he’s just waiting for his goals and dreams to conveniently fall on his lap. And when you tell him to start working on it, he calls you a nag. But if you don’t, you’re unsupportive! (big red flag for emotional immaturity!)
He’s immune to good advice. When people who genuinely care for him give him advice, he indignantly declares that it’s not their business. Even when it comes to things like financial security, his health, or the way he conducts himself in public, he always thinks he’s got everything in control. And when he’s evidently not in control, he’ll blame start blaming people for making his life so hard.
Not all of these traits need to be present, but they can still help you see if he’s really worth your time and effort. Though it’s also entirely possible for you to help him man up and grow up, that would take up a LOT of your patience. But if he’s completely resistant to your help and had no desire to work with you as a team, it’s probably time to send him packing.
It’s important to discern the difference between a losing battle with emotional immaturity and something that has real legs… in this case mature-love-legs!
Please share your comments below the blog – Are you dating or have you dated a man-boy? Or are you struggling with your own child-like behaviours? Tell me about it…