Am I Too Intimidating?

Over the years, I’ve been told that I can be a little too intimidating to men.  At first I thought that this was crazy…

For some time deliberated and even marvelled as to why I would be threatening to a man?  How could this petite woman be someone a man felt nervous around or intimidated by? In retrospect, I’ve pinpointed some of the things I did (and sometimes still do) that may explain why some men can feel uneasy around a strong woman.

Here are some of my sometimes – too intimidating attributes:

1. For a long time I really wasn’t aware of how strong my voice was, and how fast I spoke, nor did I realize how overwhelming this can be, particularly to someone who’s a little more laid back.
2. I have a vivacious and energetic personality and some people can find this overshadowing, particularly if they like the limelight or are competitive, they can feel ego-threatened, or they might not like it for another reason.  Not that I must change this – it’s important to be mindful of.
3. I’m inquisitive by nature and I ask questions. Until I had awareness around this I was probably a little too dry and even penetrating in my approach.
4. I’ve got confidence in myself and my life – I know exactly what’s important to me, and I’m not afraid to voice these things.
5. I own my own business and along with the above four traits this can be a little daunting for SOME men.

Now these traits of mine are all wonderful traits, none of them are “bad” or “wrong” and some men would think these are attractive qualities and instantly love this, yet others can assume that my dial is turned up to number 10 at all times and find this a little scary!

The truth is we all say that “you should never judge anyone”, yet we do!  And in the world of dating in the 21^st century, with the prevalence of internet dating and men and women no longer having a clear gender role – you kinda gotta know how to date well…

Being referred to as intimidating isn’t necessarily a reproach. You don’t have to change who you are just so men would be more drawn to you. Some women would actually say that the men who are intimidated with their personality aren’t worth their time!

Other ladies, on the other hand, may feel isolated and alone because people (both men and women) see them as unapproachable or “too much”, or a man may think that you come across as though you don’t need anybody… and most men like to feel needed in some way.

If you think you may have an intimidating air, here are a few things you can do to give off a more approachable vibe:

• Many women have strong opinions and an enthusiasm to voice them. If you’re one of those women, you may sometimes feel like everyone’s tiptoeing on eggshells when they speak to you. Strong opinions are a great thing! But the trick is here is to be mindful of your tone and body language. Try to replace declarative statements with softer language to make the conversation feel more like a discussion than a debate.
• Smart, ambitious and goal-driven women may also be too intimidating to men. I’m not saying you should dumb down your image. A better way to approach this is to mention that you’re not all about business and books. Successful women don’t need to point out how successful they are; instead, it’s all about showing people that you can live a full life while still being great at your job.
• Sexual experience may sometimes be unfairly held against women. If you’re on a date and he asks about your sexual repertoire, prepare an answer along the lines of “I’ve experienced enough to know what I like.” If he insists, tell him that numbers shouldn’t concern him. If he still insists, he may be one of those men who have hang-ups about a woman’s sexuality. That’s probably not healthy for you if you’re confident in your sexuality.
• Sometimes, being beautiful can also intimidate a guy! This may be because he thinks he can never compete with the modelesque or super wealthy guys who vie for your attention. Show him that there’s more to you than just a pretty face, and that you can be genuinely interested in what he’s saying. Smiles and an accommodating attitude go a long way!

Others’ first impression of you doesn’t always have to stick. You can always show them that you’re softer, more sociable, more relaxed… than you first seemed.

And, let’s face it, people will either gravitate to you or not.  I know some very intense women who are with men who love their intensity.  Also, over the years these women have softened and no longer feel the need to be so “out there”…

My job is to help you find love and keep love… so if turning back the dial here is there is helpful then why not try it?!?  I am suggesting a “tweaking approach” versus altering yourself so much that you appear to be a different person.

On a personal note; once I was aware of how I was being, I realized that I was putting out so much energy, unnecessary energy and it was tiring! I am now a little more harmonious and relaxed in my way of being, and not only is it great for a relationship it’s great for ME!

Have you tried to “tweaking” your approach before, in order to avoid coming across as too intimidating and if so what did you do?  Please share your story in the comments section below

Last Word: Breathe, get into your heart, be grounded and allow things to develop without feeling that you have prove yourself or compete.

– Nadine Piat