Every woman dreams of the day when she’ll meet her prince charming, be swept off her feet, and be happily married. When you get in a relationship and you believe he is “the one” and expectation and pressure can build. You might want a ring and everything else that goes with it, and that is fine to know what you want, but it doesn’t have to become a pressure, but part of a healthy loving, ‘moving naturally forward’ relationship.
After a few years have passed it seems that women have this internal clock that begins to tick. For most it’s around the two year mark and they’re anxiously itching for a ring, while others can last as the girlfriend for about five years and then begin to wonder. While it is normal to want to be committed to the man you love, trying to force him into a commitment is not a good idea, and here’s why:
Men Don’t Like to Be Forced
No man wants to be forced into commitment. Whether it’s committing to something small like visiting your parents every weekend or committing to marriage, a man will wholeheartedly buck at the idea. The only woman that most men will take orders from or make a commitment for is their mother, and since they don’t want to date their mom, chances are your “mother like” ultimatum will have a negative effect.
So say your guy agrees to your ultimatum, it is now a forced thing. How will you ever know if he really wanted to marry you? How do you know that he is ready for the commitment and not just doing it so you won’t leave him? What if at a later date he ends up resenting you for forcing him into something he wasn’t quite ready for? Are you ready for the repercussions of it all?
Ultimatums are Desperate & Controlling
Two years, five years, or even a decade does not give you the right to threaten your partner into giving you an engagement ring. When men sense desperation from a woman, they will easily write it off as an unattractive quality and pull away further. Being clear about what’s important to you is very different to serving an ultimatum. No one wants to feel controlled or backed into a corner and he may very well tell you that it’s never going to happen. If you serve an ultimatum, you need to be prepared to walk away. If you don’t mean what you say then don’t say it.
Marriage is a Serious Commitment
Marriage is not a decision that should be taken lightly. While the numbers for divorce are high, no one goes into a marriage with the plans for it ending. If you want a successful partnership you need to wait until your guy is ready to pop the question. Marriage means more than just saying I do and getting a ring and it is a far cry of a difference from just dating. Two people will become one in everything they do and since it is a huge commitment to make, it really could take time for both parties to be ready.
Ultimatums Could End in Divorce
Let’s say you give him a choice of marriage or ending the relationship and he buys it. You get married but he is reluctant to do so and not fully ready for the responsibilities of being a husband. This makes for an unhappy marriage as your partner is not fully on board. In time this could lead to your and his unhappiness and thus grounds for divorce.