Are you a woman who’s genuinely searching for love yet despite your best efforts you find yourself still single? Or maybe most of your relationships fall into the same unhappy pattern?
If that is your case, there is a very very good chance that your mind is wreaking havoc and boycotting your love life. Sound strange?
Well, the thing is we all have what I call bullshit-beliefs!
Yep, that’s right, “bullshit”!
It’s easy to develop beliefs about love that are essentially lies, which you deem to be true, that have you feeling stressed, fearful, anxious and even depressed about finding love.
This means; if you truly want to meet a man who brings a smile to your face and treats you with kindness, and you want to meet him with ease and confidence, then perhaps it’s time to face any lurking inner bullshit.
You see, your thoughts are view and opinions – they can be judgments, and as much as some of our perceptions are accurate and valid, we’re also capable of making wild assumptions and conclusions about ourselves and others… which is often a lot of BS.
And this BS becomes mantras in your mind, which influences every aspect of dating, mating and relating, that we play over and over in our heads, completely oblivious to the fact they become brick and mortar of our reality.
So what could be your bullshit-beliefs, what are your unhealthy mantras about love?
To help you, here are some obvious mantras that you may like to believe due to lack of evidence of the opposite:
“I’m not pretty enough for a man to want me or desire me.”
“Men find me threatening”
“My life is too hectic for a relationship”
“The right man will just turn up”
“Online dating is a waste of time”
“No man wants commitment”
“All men eventually cheat.”
“What would a man want with a single woman with three kids?”
“All men leave me.”
“There are no good men left in the world – the best ones are taken”.
Sounds familiar? I bet…
But what about the less obvious thoughts you might have?
Say, you meet a man who you really like, though a few dates you are already getting flashbacks of your ex. Your new flame has brought up the money subject and is rambling on about this major deal at work. And you jump to the conclusion that this guy will never prioritise you (just like your ex) and you will always play second fiddle to his job.
When in fact the only “crime” he has committed was to share with you what’s happening in his work life, and you have completely overlooked the fact that men like to impress with their job, tacky or not. They like to prove their worth as potential breadwinners.
Instead of seeing this guy for who he is right now with you; a guy who has a busy job, who, even when he’s got his hands full, makes time to see you – you see him as a man who will never prioritize you.
Can you see how easily this kind of thing can happen and what BS this can be? Sure, he could be like your ex, though so far he’s not, and until you get to know him better you won’t know. When this kind of “story” is running you can kill off a relationship prematurely that could have been perfect for you. Not all men with busy jobs neglect their partners.
So let’s sum it up. On one hand, you undermine your chances for love with inner doubts concerning your lovability. On the other, you keep transferring failures of past relationships into new partners. And to top it off, you can’t seem to help it – because you believe that your thoughts must be right.
Beliefs patterns are not always easy to dissolve, simply because they have hardened through repetition over time. However, if you persistently set your mind on healthier thoughts, they can be rewired to focus on what you do want versus what you don’t want. One such conscious effort to reboot your thinking is through restating pro-love and pro-self mantras.
Here are two powerful mantras for love success that may turn around your luck in romance.
#1. I am completely lovable, just the way I am. If you have ever wondered how to attract someone through mantras, this one is a great start. Due to societal conditioning, many people constantly doubt their lovability. Do you often catch yourself thinking that you don’t quite deserve love? That there is something wrong with you? And you need to change first, to work for it, to become perfect? Or that you have nothing to offer and who would love you like that?
If you have fallen into this kind of mind trap, then you must be exhibiting either of the following behaviours.
- You keep getting involved with a guy who undermines your self-esteem. Even if he is polished and kind on the surface, he rarely misses a chance to peck at your flaws. It could be your sense of fashion, vocabulary, social proclivities or food choices that need fixing in his opinion, the point being YOU ARE NOT ENOUGH.
- You push away the good guys. Even if you meet someone who treats you fairly, who is gentle and considerate of your feelings, your inner sense of imperfection and deficiency may try to prove him wrong. You might question his “I love you’s” and reject his affections because you feel inherently unworthy of love. Or simply, you’re not used to a man being nice to you and it someone how makes you feel uncomfortable.
If you these two patterns sound spot-on, then maybe it’s time you chanted some good mantras. Devote a few minutes a day to the thought that you are completely lovable, just the way you are. This isn’t simply an affirmation to boost your self-esteem, but a very effective mantra for love attraction. To make it even stronger very recent research reveals that saying mantras in the third person is even more powerful.
i.e. If I was to say a mantra I would say it like this:
“Nadine, you are perfect just the way you are”
“Nadine, you can have the relationship you want”
“Nadine, you are gorgeous”
At first, you may feel a surge of resistance to the strangeness of this idea.
Your inner critic is so used to bashing the self or others, that you may feel some resistance. But be patient with yourself and soon the truth of this statement will start to settle in. Through repetition, thoughts and ideas become beliefs, and beliefs grow into convictions.
Sooner than later you will be basking in more self-love and attracting a new type of man. The kind who may not inspect your flaws through a magnifying glass, but find them adorable.
#2. Love can be found anywhere and anytime. Now there is a potent mantra to make someone fall in love with you, countering the widespread belief that the world is short of love. That somehow it is a feeling is a deficit commodity running out of stock.
Some of you may be coming out of a meaningful but exhausting relationship feeling they will never love again or that love is too hard. Others may be convinced that love is a rare diamond – too hard to find. You may think that no one is right for you, or that the world has run out of good men. And WHERE will you even meet a decent guy, if life is all work and no play?
As reasonable as these arguments sound, I can counter them with countless examples. A widowed landlady of mine remarried her old flame at the age of 82. The guy, aged 84 himself, had the hots for her since high school and speedily proposed the moment he found out she was “single” again. Ahhh, there she was – a bride at the sunset of her life.
Or the other day I was at the bookstore and I overheard two girls chatting in confidence. One of the girls’ brother lost his phone in a nightclub. Then he got a call from whoever found the phone, and they arranged to meet. It turned out that the good samaritan was a girl he vaguely knew from university, but he always felt attracted to. And they started dating…
I can go on for ages with such stories, and I am sure you have a few of your own. The whole point is that love finds us in mysterious ways and there is no reason to believe otherwise.
If I was single and looking for love, I wouldn’t want to “sabotage” my chances with unhealthy thinking. I would try to identify the patterns of beliefs in my psyche setting me back and gently and consistently clear them. I would harness my mind’s deeper powers and give this power a higher purpose.
I would want to believe that love is fully accessible at all times. Think about kids or pets – they do a lot of mischiefs, make a lot of mess, and yet they are completely and utterly lovable. I’d like to think that the same is applicable to me.
You are desirable and lovable, sure you are always growing, and this makes you perfect. We’ve all got lessons to learn, we all have skills in the area of love to develop, and you are still deserving of love. We all are.
Live in hope, have faith and choose to see the best in life, love, yourself and men. Mantras are not just some random idea, they are proven to work!
P.S. Share your Mantras with me below the blog – just scroll down to the comments section and I will share mine with you too