Have you ever gone out on a few dates with a guy who you really like, only to find that once you tell him or he senses that you’re interested in him, he’s no longer interested in you? Or maybe you started chatting with a guy online and decided to meet up, the chemistry was great, even electric between you, yet somehow, after two or three dates you’ve lost interest in him?
Is it possible that your quest to getting the love you want has led to the “grass is greener trap”? Or maybe you’re just the victim? Though more often than not, you are probably on the giving and receiving end of the grass is greener perspective.
If you truly want to find compatible love then this article is for you, because whether you’re aware of it or not, with the expansion of digital, there is an insidious downside lurking that could be greatly hindering your chance of love.
What is the Grass is Greener Trap?
In this age of technology, wanting instant gratification has become second nature to us. If something does not immediately stimulate a person, they become instantly unamused and move onto something else with the hopes of finding that stimulation there. This in turn is the grass is greener trap or syndrome. When you’re not intrigued, you move onto something or someone else believing the “grass is greener”, that they will be hopefully better for you in some way.
This urgent need for instant stimulation or gratification spills over into every aspect of our lives – including dating. True, there are instances in which the grass IS greener on the other side. You and the person you’re dating might not be the best match, and moving on would obviously be the best thing to do.
But, what if you’re moving on from great people without really giving them a chance?
The trap essentially is not realizing that no one person is going to fulfill every need, stimulate you every second of the day, or even make you happy all the time, that’s just not a healthy relationship. If you’re constantly going from one relationship to another looking for that “perfect one” you are most certainly a sufferer of the “grass is greener trap”.
Why Do People Fall Into the Trap?
There are several articles on the topic of the age of instant gratification and its effects on people’s relationships. Let’s look closer at some reasons people fall into the grass is greener trap.
- Online Dating – online dating is certainly a great platform for people to locate singles in their area. Be that as it may, there are literally hundreds if not thousands of interested singles online. While you might be genuinely interested in the person you’ve been going out on dates with, after a while your mind can’t help but wonder what it might be like to date some of the other matches you have on your profile? You slowly lose interest in the person you’re dating and go back to the other “fish in the sea”.
- High Expectations – There are those people that fall victim to the grass is greener trap simply because they have set such high expectations. They are looking for Mr.or Mrs. Perfect and will settle for nothing short of that. In this instance, unfortunately, trying to get the love you want is mission impossible. Seeing as how there are no perfect people out there, you will always find something “wrong” with someone you’re dating and want to see if there is greener grass elsewhere.
- “What if”– Have you ever made a choice and then a few seconds later wondered, “What if I had chosen the other option?” There are some daters out there who simply want to keep their options open to what could be. Sure, he/she’s nice, but what if, there’s another person out there with those qualities and more? Obviously, they’re never really committing or investing in a relationship and just keep helplessly wondering “what if” every time they’re dating. I know I’m guilty of this in some way – I’ve been on a date with a man and gone to restroom, checked my phone, and sent a tinder contact a message. Sure, perhaps my date, while waiting for me, has done exactly the same thing, that’s my point. Do we consciously realize what we’re doing and the repercussions this mindset has on both parties?
- The Internet/Instant Gratification – The internet and instant gratification go hand in hand. Those who utilize the internet and mobile technology on a regular basis are prone to wanting things instantly. If this is not received, they lose interest or become disgruntled and move on. In fact, statistics show that the average human attention span is about 8 seconds. A human can lose interest quickly if they are not immediately met with gratification. This unfortunately is one of the most common and least gratifying reasons that people fall into the grass is greener trap.
So You’ve Fallen Into the Trap… Now What?
If you believe that you have fallen into the grass is greener trap, you’ll soon find that it is a tiring trap to be in. You’re constantly moving from potential relationship to another, while never really building a healthy relationship that could give you the happiness you’re seeking. You’re never really vested, always have one foot out of the door, and whether you know it or not, you’re hurting people in the process, and often yourself.
Getting out of this trap will require some self-evaluation on your end.
- Determine the Source – The first step is to determine the source. Why do you feel like the grass is always greener on the other side? Are you afraid to commit because you’ve been hurt in the past? Could you be an avid internet user who is just used to getting results quickly, have you set your expectations so high that no one can meet them? Once you know why you’re keeping your options open or always have one foot out of the door, you can deal directly with the source.
- Take a Break – If the source of your grass is greener methodology comes from internet usage, short attention span, or the need of instant gratification, taking a break from the internet and technology can help “bring you back to reality”. It can help you to grasp the idea that not everything in life will happen when you want or how you want. If your issue is high expectations or “what if’s”, taking a break from relationships can help you to appreciate those you’ve dated and their feelings. It can help you to appreciate the process of dating, getting to know a person, and really putting in the required work to develop a healthy relationship.
- Move On – If you happen to fall on the other side of this grass is greener trap, meaning a guy or girl you’ve dated suddenly lost interest in you then the best advice I can provide would be to keep moving. If someone is not interested enough in you to know that you’re a special person with value and worth, then quite frankly, they don’t deserve you. As the saying goes, “Don’t make someone a priority who only considers you an option.”
To want to be in a relationship with someone you’re attracted to and connect with on several levels is natural. Dating allows you to see whether a person is ideal for you long term. However, if you’re constantly wondering if the grass is greener on the other side, you’ll never truly understand just how precious the lawn you’re standing on can be.
If you realize that you’ve fallen into the grass is greener trap or that you’ve been on the receiving end of this trap, you really need to self-evaluate if this strategy is the best way to getting the love you want? If not, it’s time to make a change.