You love your man, but sometimes, you just can’t help but wonder why such an awesome person would have such a horrible choice of friends.
Whether your man has friends who are loudmouth badboys, misogynistic jerks or just uncouth and uncultured, you can’t deny the fact that these people helped shape the man you fell in love with. Sadly, though, they may still influence your man in the subtlest ways, from the way he thinks, to the way he acts, to the way he talks.
When his friends are a bad influence, how you would handle this situation?Instead of just sitting around and hoping that your man suddenly gets tired of hanging out with his friends, there are a couple of things you can do when his friends are an unwelcomed influence. Here are some tips:
Ask yourself if they’re really a bad influence. What have his friends actually done to make your man do something you don’t want him to do? It’s one thing to not particularly like his friends or feel that his friends interests my clash with yours, but you have to ask yourself if any of the behaviour you don’t like has rubbed off on your man in any way.
For instance, you may see that your man’s friends are mostly unemployed and lazy. But when you look at your man, is he also like that? If his friends are influencing him, then shouldn’t he be a lazy bum as well? If he isn’t then perhaps you’re worried about nothing. You may not love them, though perhaps they’re harmless enough.
Are you just being jealous and insecure? Could it be possible that his friends aren’t actually the root of the problem here? Perhaps his friends are actually nice people. But when you think of him with people other than you, you start to doubt yourself and feel jealous. What’s worse is when he hasn’t even done anything to diminish your trust and the quality of your relationship. He’s just connecting with friends!
Tell your partner about it in a subtle way. Telling your man that you simply dislike his choice of friends will only make him jump to their defence, as if you were making him choose between you and his friends.
Instead of going for the offensive, go for a more subtle approach. For instance, if he mentions one of his buddies who loves picking up women despite being in a relationship, you can ask him, “Why do you like hanging out with him when he might just use you as an alibi when his girlfriend asks him where he is?” This might then make your guy think that his friend might just be using him to have an excuse to go out.
Hang out with them. Yes, it may seem like a pain, though sometimes it’s helpful to get involved and join in with the gang as much as possible. Try going to places that you, your guy and his friends would be comfortable with. Perhaps a quiet little pub or a casual dining restaurant would be suitable. Once you’re there, try to be as open-minded with them as you can. Maybe the guys whom you thought were uncouth and uncultured because of their drinking habits might turn out to be creative geniuses who are just hiding behind their shabby appearance.
Hang out with his friends and their partners. If you’re not comfortable with the idea of hanging out with a group of guys, ask that his friends also invite their girlfriends with them. Nothing breaks the ice easier than bonding with women who are dating guys who are friends with each other. You might gain a little positive insight into the minds of your guy’s friends through the women they’re dating. Also, when they have their girlfriends in tow, they might be encouraged to behave better.
Invite your guy to hang out with other people. When, despite all your efforts, you can’t change your perspective on his friends, and you have concluded that they are indeed a bad influence, you can encourage your guy to hang out with other people more often.
There must be other groups of friends that your guy has. For instance, if you think his college buddies are insufferable, encourage your guy to hang out with his workmates. Encourage him to get in touch with his old high school buddies. If that doesn’t work, you might have some friends who share the same interests as your guy. You can even invite your girl friends and their boyfriends in the hope that the guys would strike up a friendship.
To accept or not to accept. There comes a time when we either accept our man for who he is, and if we don’t like who he is and how he behaves or treats us, then perhaps it’s not about his friends after all. If he’s emotionally immature, doesn’t treat you with love and kindness and excludes you from his social life then maybe he’s just not the man for you.
What women want with a man is to be in a loving, connected and healthy relationship that feels safe and supportive. But when there are people who get in the way of this, we just can’t help but want to break him away from the bonds of his friends…
With a little encouragement and a ton of patience, you will either realize that his friends aren’t so bad after all, he’s not a match for you, or you can gently coax your man out of his friends’ clutches and into the welcoming arms of more amenable friends.