So, I’m in a coffee shop getting my usual and I overhear a conversation between a woman and her friends…
She was talking about how her boyfriend was the worst communicator she knew. The woman expressed how the other day she wanted to talk to him about moving in together and her boyfriend shut down and left the apartment. Now normally as a woman you’d probably want to be on her side and express how rude and uninvolved her guy was being. However, in this situation, she explained how the conversation started, and to be quite honest, it’s clear to me why is disengaged from her.
Her boyfriend comes home from work and she immediately goes in for the kill. “We need to talk.” She expresses she was displeased with his body language when she said this. From there she proceeded to tell him that it’s time for them to move in together and take the relationship to the next level. She then said her lease was up on her apartment in about 3 weeks time and she had no plans on renewing it. When her boyfriend didn’t respond, she immediately flew into a rage and said, “Well, if you don’t want to move in together, maybe there is something you’re not telling me? Is there someone else? If I’m your one and only there should be no problem?” hence the boyfriend walking away…….
The Problem
I could write a book on all the reasons why this woman was ineffective in her approach. For now I’ll try to sum it up in just a few short tips:
- We Need to Talk – For some reason this phrase is like poison to guys and when they hear it, they automatically shut down. Especially if your demeanor looks as if you’re upset.
- Timing – Her timing was way off. Whether her guy works at a 9 to 5 desk job or as a policeman, work can be stressful. She should have allowed him time to unwind before bringing up such a serious topic.
- Demands – She did not make a suggestion but instead made a demand that they move in together and take the relationship to the next level. Who says that moving in is the next level? That is a decision that should be made as a couple. Also men do not take well to demands.
- Deliverance – The delivery of this message was all wrong. Maybe she did have a valid point, but telling someone what they should do is not the answer. She could have gathered information to support her idea and presented it in a nicer way. She ordered what she wanted, she didn’t invite him into an adult conversation.
- Insecurities – To add to the already bad conversation the woman then shows her boyfriend just how insecure she really is. Desperation and insecurities are the most unattractive features a woman can show in front of her guy. If you really feel that there is another woman, you should have left a long time ago.
- Attitude – From the sounds of things the woman was not even calm while having this conversation. From the moment he came in the body language and tone of voice showed nothing but attitude which can easily get your guy to tune you out.
- Guilt – She finished the conversation by trying to guilt him into letting her move in. Are you hiding something? Is there someone else? Am I not your one and only? These are all ways to make him feel as if he is wrong for not wanting to make the move.
If you’re going to be successful in this relationship you have to learn to communicate in a way that will get results:
Introduce a topic in an even tone, watch your body language, don’t make demands, don’t sound desperate or insecure, watch your attitude, and most importantly don’t guilt a man into making a decision. Had she followed this advice she might be on her way to moving in instead of moving on.
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