Dating the bad boy? Have you ever?
There’s CAN BE a certain kind of thrill that comes with dating someone you shouldn’t. He’s the guy your mum warned you about….
Typically he’s the guy who doesn’t care what anyone thinks. He’s the guy whose rough and rugged appearance makes you shed your inhibitions. He’s the guy who’s probably not emotionally available for you, and yet you fall for him anyway. Dating the bad boy makes you feel so alive when you are with him, yet when you’re not near him you feel anxious and insecure.
Many women have fallen under the spell of the bad boy, but what about the nice guys?
Nice guys will get the door for you (sometimes the bad boys do too, which can make it confusing). They’ll drive you home without insisting on coming in. They’ll cook you dinner and manage to keep their hands mostly to themselves. They’ll check up on you from time to time to see if you’re available…
These little gestures may seem trite and boring, but would the things a bad boy do be any better?
An important note: There are some guys who look rough and tough on the outside, but they’re a big softie deep down. I’m using the term “bad boy” here to refer to guys who have the typical bad boy traits without necessarily looking the part (they really do come in all shapes, looks and sizes).
If you’re sick and tired of dating the charmer or the smooth operator – the man who turns out to be a huge jerk, here are some ways you can reprogram your mind into considering going on that date with that nerdy nice guy who’s been asking you out:
- Consider the future. He may be smooth, super cool, and totally fly, but what do these traits offer you when it comes to planning your future together? When you imagine your future together, do you think he’s capable of being responsible, thoughtful and emotionally mature, or will his “anything goes”, “I want it my way” attitude lead your relationship into turmoil (particularly for you)? On the other hand, if you were dating a guy who’s sweet, kind and responsible at the start, wouldn’t it be easier to foresee a couple of dates blossoming into a wonderful relationship?
- Consider your heart. Being with the bad boy is like a promise of an exciting rollercoaster ride of emotions. You’ll feel ecstatic one day, and then let down, disregarded or jealous the next day. Everything feels so new and unpredictable that you always look forward to your next passionate tryst… the next high. But when it comes to building a connection, are these cheap thrills really enough for you? Sooner or later, you may realize that all the usual antics you two get up to won’t be enough to fill that void that only a meaningful connection can fill.
- Don’t stereotype the nice guys. Nice guys aren’t always pushovers; they may simply be diplomatic enough to avoid heated confrontations. They’re not all wet behind the ears, geeks and nerds who are only polite because no one would date them; they may be genuinely polite because that’s who they consistently are. You never know what’s hiding behind that sweet, kind or shy smile – because once you get to know a nice guy, it’s hard to keep him from growing on you. A nice guy can also be; fun, witty, sexy, exciting… they’re just normally a little slower to reveal the other goodies.
- Break the cycle. Some women would end an unhealthy relationship only to start another unhealthy one. When you’ve dated a bad boy in the past, you may find yourself still inexplicably attracted to men like him. Looking back, you have to know within yourself that your previous unhealthy relationship with men like him may not have been love. It may have been dependence, a cheap thrill or a passionate affair with no real feelings involved. Accept that you were in an unhealthy relationship, and that men like the bad boy you dated can be a waste of time, or worse, cause you a lot of pain. Resist the temptation to seek out the thrills your ex gave you, and open yourself up to a healthier relationship.
Take it slow, get to know the man you’re dating and don’t give your heart to a stranger. When you get to know someone better and if you see some telltale signs that you may be dating the bad boy, stop and think if it’s really worth it.
Be a wise lover and have the courage to be honest with your inner knowing, with your heart. Many women have found love with a man they least thought was their match. So… be open to being pleasantly surprised.
Please share with me your experience of “dating the bad boy” below in the comments. What have you learnt, did Mr. Unavailable ever become Mr. Available? Tell me. x