Emotionally attached to a younger man – Should you stay or should you leave?

Emotionally attached to a younger man – Should you stay or should you leave?

I remember a time when dating a younger man was out of the question for me. Just one year younger seemed somehow “wrong”, then one day I realized that I was being far too ridged and narrow in my approach to finding love.  After this change in perspective I decided it was time to open my horizons and give dating a younger man a go.

But then something unexpected happened, I became even more relaxed about the age gap, to the point that an 8 year age gap, or even more, was not a big deal, in fact I started to prefer the younger man to the older man.  It was like I had done a complete 180!

So, is dating a younger man easier or better than dating someone of the same age or older?

Unfortunately there is no definitive answer! The harsh truth is, you could essentially be wasting the prime of your life on a younger man that’s never going to commit himself to you? OR, you could be just like how I was, and potentially missing out on finding true love, because you have preconceived notions about what it may be like to be involved with a younger man?

I’m a firm supporter of simply cultivating healthy relationships in general, and this is why it’s important to be sure that you go into this kind of relationship with a clear sense of what you’re after and what you value.

While I certainly can’t make the decision for you, what I can do is offer you some love advice to help you make a more informed decision.

Assess The Matter For What It IS

In order to get the most out of your relationship, you must sit back and assess the situation for what it really is. A lot of times women get so wrapped up in emotion that they overlook the logic.

Yes…it is certainly a great feeling to have a young and vibrant young man interested in you. And yes… it can be liberating to feel young and attractive again. However, at the end of the day, when the initial “lusting” stage wares off, what do you have left? Is it what you want? It is worth the time and energy?

To follow my love advice of fully assessing the matter for what it is, you must clearly and honestly determine the pros and cons of dating a younger man. So here’s the skinny on things:

Pros of Dating a Younger Man

Let’s start with the “positive” side of dating a younger man.

  • Less baggage – typically younger men won’t have the baggage an older man would have, such as an ex-wife, several ex girlfriends, children, debt, etc. (Though this is not to say that a younger man doesn’t have other emotional challenges – this is more about the individual person rather than the age).
  • Easier to mold – there are plenty of women who like the idea of being able to “mold” a man into her ideal mate. An older man is typically more cemented in his ways, and will have his own ways about life, finding true love, and relationships. A younger man on the other hand is typically not as sure of who he is and may still need guidance, which is where you as the older person would step in – that is, if that’s the role you want to take.
  • Makes you feel younger – no woman in the world likes the idea of getting older and as such a huge plus in dating younger men is that you can feel young once again. You’ll hang out with younger adults, and do more spontaneous, wild, and adventurous things with a younger man (conversely; the age difference could have the opposite effect for you, and you may feel older).
  • Passionate love life – not to say that older men don’t know how to handle things in the bedroom, but let’s be honest, most of them are not as good as they were when they were younger. So if you’re looking for a heated sex life, then this could be viewed as a plus to dating a younger man.

Cons of Dating a Younger Man

While you may not want to hear these, it is important to consider in order to develop healthy relationships based on logic and not on emotion (as women often do).

  • Differences in lifestyles – after the fun and excitement has worn off, often times, you’ll find that the fun, exciting lifestyle he leads is not something you’re willing to accommodate on a regular basis. You’ll want to stay in and watch a movie or have a dinner party, but he may want to go out to a bar, hit a club, or something of that nature.
  • Not Ready to commit – if finding true love is what you’re after then you may be a bit concerned after a few months when you’re ready to be exclusively committed to him and he’s not ready. A younger man can love you, yet still not want to commit to you.  The age gap may hold him back in the long-term. You’ve got to get real about this.
  • Instability (Learning to find himself) – while it may seem interesting at first to help “mold” and shape a young man into your ideal mate, it can also become tiring. A man who is not emotionally evolved is ultimately not secure. This may mean taking on the task of essentially, “raising a grown child” (of course this does not apply to all younger men).
  • Children factor – if you’re 40, haven’t had children and would still like to, and you’re guy is 28 and 7 years away from even thinking about impregnating you, then you’ll be incompatible in the family department.  Or perhaps you’ve had kids and do not want any more, though your younger partner would like to have his own.  This can be a big problem.

So What Is a Good Age Difference?

Based on the above mentioned pros and cons and your own personal preferences, you can determine whether or not dating a younger man is something you really want to do.

One question I hear a lot is, “Is there a healthy age difference I should consider?” I personally don’t believe there is a conclusive answer here. However, there are some who have a rule known as “half your age plus seven years”. This rule would require you to divide your current age by two and add seven years to it.

Personally, I believe age does not determine healthy relationships, for me it’s all about the person. You can be a 38-year-old female and meet a 29-year-old guy who is more mature than a 45 year old man. It all boils down to what you’re looking for and if the younger man you’re dating wants the same things in life, at the same time as you, and with you.

Hopefully this love advice helps you to truly assess whether dating a younger man is going to fulfil and support you at this point in your life.

Whatever your decision may be, my best and last bit of advice to you is to own that decision and don’t let anyone make you feel bad about it. If there is a legitimate relationship developing, one that’s kind and loving, intimate and safe, warm and connected, then enjoy it.

* Are you dating or have you dated a younger man? Tell me about it… please share your experiences below the blog in the comments.

~ Nadine Piat

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