Have you stood in front of the mirror before a date and wondered, will this man like what he sees, am I too full figured for him, or will be notice that the skin around my neck is starting to sag?
We live in a world where many woman are terribly focused on what they look like – how attractive, slim or youthful they feel will often determine by how well they rate themselves in the dating arena and how confident they feel when meeting and conversing with men.
Further to that women also worry about other social pressures; if I don’t have much money will be think I’m a gold-digger, will be freak out when he knows I have three teenagers, will he find me interesting, or does he prefer younger women?
As much as these concerns can be very real, what most women don’t realise is that while she’s doubting herself, the man sitting right in front of her will also have his list of concerns and fears. Most women are not aware that guys can feel insecure and uncertain too! They are human after all and are also living in the same world we live; one that can be filled with draining social ideals and superficial pressures!
So perhaps put yourself in his shoes. Sure, every man is different, though there are certain things that will eat at him and see him feeling disempowered and lacking confidence with you (or any woman).
He can feel pressure to; look good, be witty, dress well, have money to spend on you, be seen as a leader, appear confident, be a great lover (with an impressive penis), that is, should you make it into the bedroom, the list goes on. Invariably, it’s a very tall order. Sure, women have pressure, but not that much pressure!
So when you go out on a date, try to have a little empathy. He may feel just as nervous and self-conscious as you do. Maybe he isn’t well established financially, and is scared that you’ll order the lobster or that you won’t like him if he doesn’t have a super well paying job, maybe he feels that his looks are inadequate – we live in a ruthless society where the importance of good appearance has been raised to ridiculous extremes. Perhaps he’s shy, and doesn’t know how to talk to a girl no matter how much he really truly wants to get to know you.
A little empathy is going to make you a great date…
- Make it clear on a first date that you are happy to split the bill, if he insists on paying then let him. Do not assume that he’s got it.
- Compliment him on how he looks.
- Take a sincere interest in him, and if he seems quiet and a bit shy, use your superior social skills to bring him out.
When it comes to the bedroom, make it clear that the aim is for you to have a nice time together, not to put on an Oscar winning performance. (By the way, this takes the pressure off of you too). You could say something like, “You know, I really want to take time just for us both to feel comfortable together if that’s what you’d like.” He’s going to relax and be at his best if he doesn’t feel you’re putting undue pressure on him (or he’ll stop putting pressure on himself).
Couples get to the bedroom a lot faster than in the past, it’s become the norm, and in my opinion, not entirely a good thing. If you like each other, there’s no harm in taking things slowly. A lot of men feel pressure to be well endowed and be a great lover. Sure, you want to be with a man who wants to please you. Just remember that he may be nervous and wondering if you’re happy with his lot. Remember that there are “show-ers and growers” – and that size really doesn’t matter too much.
Remember too that the most unpromising date can turn out to be a fireball, so give things time and allow his insecurities to melt away as you get to know each other properly and see what builds from there.