One of the biggest mistakes that women make in relationships is changing themselves for a particular guy. I think it is safe to say that there are things that we can all change about ourselves. Whether it is our need to control things or our emotional insecurities that keep us from loving ourselves, but I don’t believe that we should alter who we are just for the sole purposes of meeting the needs of someone else.
After all, is it really true love if you’re not allowed to be who you genuinely are?
Sure, life is all about changing and growing. I mean imagine if we stayed exactly the same all of our lives? Life would be pretty stagnant. We’d miss out on so much, including a chance at real love.
In short, I guess what I’m saying is that there are things that you might consider changing for the sake of a healthy relationship, but you should never change who you are at the core.
So What Things Should a Woman Change?
When you look at your character traits as it pertains to your relationship, are there things about you that make it difficult to be in a relationship with? (It’s important to be honest when you ask yourself this question).
– Do you have a need to control your guy? (you try to change him in so many ways that it would seem that you’re not happy with who he is most of the time – he’s often not doing or doing something you don’t like and you’re telling him to be different)
– Are you a needy lover? (meaning you need your significant other’s undivided attention at all times?)
– Do you have physical or emotional insecurities? (We’ve all been there)
– Are you a poor communicator? (You know that, “I don’t care what you have to say because I’m always right” type of communicator, or perhaps you don’t express yourself at all)
– Do you nag and complain a lot?
These are things that are worth changing… however, not for the sake of the guy you’re in a relationship in, but for yourself.
These are things that will not only impact your ability to be in a healthy relationship with your partner, but with anyone. Changing these aspects about yourself benefits you in the long run. Therefore they are worth changing.
Okay…What Things About Me Should Stay the Same?
There are some things that should just be off limits when it comes to changing yourself and unfortunately not knowing the difference between what to change and what to stay the same is one of the mistakes women make when in relationships.
I’ve heard of women changing their values and beliefs but remain a nagging, grumbling, complaining girlfriend. Then when the relationship is over they’re wondering why their boyfriend didn’t stick around after all they sacrificed and changed to attract them and meet their needs? It’s probably because you changed the wrong things.
Let’s look at 5 things you should not change about yourself if you want to be at peace with your relationship (and with yourself):
- Your Values – If you believe that you should wait a while before having sex with a guy, don’t let his handsome smile and attractive physique push you into it sooner. Your values are just that YOUR VALUES.
- Your Religion – No matter how much you are into a guy you should not feel as though you have to compromise your religious beliefs just because they don’t line up with his. There are interfaith couples who know how to make things work. As long as you respect his religion he should have no problem in respecting yours.
- Your Personality – Who you are is who you are, if you’re a fun, silly, outgoing girl and he’d prefer you to be more serious and stay cooped up in the house all the time then honey he’s not your dream guy.
- Your Goals and Dreams – How many movies have you seen or stories have you heard about women who gave up their hopes and aspirations for the sake of a relationship? In the end they feel unfulfilled and often resentful. The perfect guy will encourage you to reach your goals and will be there to support you every step of the way.
- Quality Relationships – There are some relationships that can be damaging and in this instance you should change the people you’re around. However, if the guy you’re dating asks you to stop hanging out with certain friends or family members simply because he doesn’t like them, then that’s just too bad in my opinion.
If you’ve compromised or changed any of the above things about yourself, let me be the first to tell you this is not how to make him fall in love with you forever. If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for everything.
Here’s another BIG thing that women tend to do in relationships…. Mold themselves into the girl they BELIEVE their guy likes.
He likes sports so suddenly you like sports. He likes to stay at home so suddenly you like to stay at home. He doesn’t eat meat so now you’re a vegan.
Why stop doing the things you love just so that you can feel what you believe to be the love of a man? In the end, I’ve found that it is never worth it. You want to know why?
If your guy was to decide he no longer wanted to be with you today or tomorrow, you’ve completely changed who you are, broken off relationships, switched religions, and lost your integrity, authenticity and even your identity. Then you’re left picking up the pieces.
Years down the line you end up begrudging or even blaming the guy you’re with because you’re not truly happy with life because apparently he got to do everything he wanted (the truth is we are the ones that choose to change something, he didn’t make you do anything, you accepted and changed for him).
Either way, it is not a happy ending for you. It is certainly not the way to make him fall in love with you forever. Honestly, he’s not falling in love with you at all. You end up changing so much that you are not even you anymore, and to me, this is not love.
Change is constant. Change is necessary. However, when it comes to being in a healthy relationship change is not something that should be forced on you. It is something that YOU have to decide to do for YOU.
If he is the right guy he will love you flaws and all. No one ever said you’d find a mate that is 100% perfect and as you’d like them to be. There are always things we don’t like about each other and wish we could change, but the special thing about being in love is that even if you never change those things (and as long as they’re not deal breakers), love can still blossom.
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