“I don’t know why he won’t talk to me.”, “It’s really frustrating when he ignores me when I’m asking for a little attention.” All too often I hear these comments when my clients are talking about relationship communication problems.
If you’re like many other women, it can seem like you’re splitting hairs to get your man to open up to you. Most have tried it all; from nagging and complaining to the silent treatment and physical distance, women struggle to get their men to open up their hearts.
Why is that?
What is the best way to communicate with a man?
Truth be told, there are a lot of factors that can play into a man’s ability or inability to open up to his woman, and a lot of it has to do with the woman herself.
Yes… you heard me right…
A lot of the relationship communication problems you may be having with your guy could very well be related to something that you’re doing that’s blocking the floodgates of open and flowing conversation, attention and affection.
Now that doesn’t mean that he’s perfect and you’re responsible for the lack of intimacy and/or love in the relationship, but how and when you try to get him to open up his heart to you can make all the difference in the world.
So, how do you accomplish this?
How do you get your man to release the shackles around his heart, that will see him open up to you more freely, without you having to jump through hoops?
It all boils down to the power of feminine energy. Below are a few tips that will help your man open up more and shut down less:
- Channel That Feminine Energy
What is feminine energy? Unfortunately the definition of feminine has been greatly diminished over the years. Where feminine is often thought of to be “sexual” or “inferior” to men, this is not what being feminine or channeling your feminine energy is all about. Sure, it can encompass some sexual prowess when necessary, but in its truest form, feminine energy is essentially a woman’s truest form.
It is her ability to feel good about herself, to love herself, to be powerful and confident, gentle in her approach, comfortable with letting go (i.e. not controlling), her playfulness, and vulnerability. You must be able to channel this energy in order to communicate effectively with your man. Too much masculine energy can lead to aggression, which can very much feel like nagging, confrontation, or agitation to a man.
So, before you approach him, take a few deep breaths in and out and just channel the sensuality, playfulness, love, and beauty that is inside of you. He will be more receptive to this side of you and will be more willing to open up.
- Be Kind
No matter what your sticking point is with your guy, for him to open up to you more it’s important that you address this from a place of kindness. Whining, yelling, screaming, complaining, ultimatums and grumbling are all fear-based reactions and are often not received well, particularly if this is your typical approach. Much like the teacher from the childhood cartoon Peanuts, all your man can hear out of your mouth is “Whomp, whomp, whomp, whomp.”
If you want him to open up to you, to show you affection, to assist you in some way you have to speak in a level tone and utilize kind words that he can relate to. “Hey handsome, whenever you have some spare time I’d like to borrow you for a moment.” This phrase can go a long way in the mind of a man. It lets him know that you’re attracted to him by complimenting his looks, shows that you value his time as you know he may not be able to give you what you want immediately, and it lets him know that you need him which is big in the world of men.
- Use Erotic Energy
When you think erotic you shouldn’t necessarily think of sexual energy. Think of it more as sensual, inviting, and intimate energy. In fact, sensual, intimate energy can actually be the best way to communicate with a man. This doesn’t mean that you have to stand naked in front of the television as you have your demands heard (though he probably won’t oppose). However, what this does mean is that when you approach him about something that’s bothering, try to tap into you sensuality without forcing it (this is not about pouting or pushing out your breasts, this is about your feminine magnetism).
For example: You and your man are about to talk about something that’s concerning you, prepare yourself by channeling the likes of Sophia Loren, and speak from a place of heart and sensuality. This means you’re warm, open and loving in your approach. He will feel comfortable because he feels accepted and desired by you, irrespective of the issue at hand.
You do not need to touch him to do this, though you can – either way, there is nothing more attractive and sexy than a woman who’s clear about what’s important to her and a woman who expresses this with love.
- Don’t Take it Personally
Okay, here’s where a lot of women mess up… taking his reaction personally. If you’ve approached your man using the most feminine, sensual, positive energy possible, and he’s still not receptive – don’t take it to heart. As men are different than women, they cannot concentrate on too many things at once. If he’s working on a major project and you’re trying to communicate with him, he may come off as agitated because he can’t focus on both subject matters at the moment.
When you approach him, you have to let it sink it and walk away. Give it time. He may not be able to respond the very moment you want him to, but in due time he will show you just how much he cares by giving you the attention you want. If you however, make it personal and take offense, you may lash out at him for something that really is beyond his control.
- Timing is Everything
Lastly is timing. If you’re having relationship communication problems and you’ve tried all of the above, it could simply boil down to your timing. Remember, the man’s mind can’t necessarily “multi-task” the way a woman’s can. Therefore, if you’re approaching him during a time when you know he’s preoccupied with other things, you’re asking for trouble. He’s likely to ignore you, become impatient or simply not want to be bothered at that moment.
You know your man well enough to know when he’s “in the zone”. Whether this is during the course of the work day, immediately following a stressful day, during game time, or when he’s hanging with friends. Allow him, in those moments to just be him. Allow him to simply focus on whatever it is he’s doing so that when the time is right, he can give himself fully to you without interruption.
If you’re still using phrases like, “we need to talk” or “you never pay attention to me”, you can anticipate having communication problems in your relationship for years to come. The best way to communicate with a man is to use the powerful force of feminine energy. Channel your inner femininity, and address your man in a way that he understands and connects with. This in turn will open up the windows of communication and the door to his heart.
Most women intuitively know when the time is right and they also know when they’re annoyed about something that has little to do with their man. A woman who’s connected to her feminine grace will know that there are things she needs to address by herself and there are things that need to be addressed with her man.
I want to encourage you to tune into this knowing and take the time to gauge what you truly need. When you know this you’ll be able to communicate these feelings in a way that’ll be well received by your man.
More: Do you ever feel clumsy or embarrassed with your sexuality? Instead would you like to feel sexually confident, satisfied from head to toe, and more connected to your partner? If so, check this out => the ultimate bonding secrets