I used to live with a lady who I love dearly, we’re still great friends to this day. I will never forget though, how bewildered I was that she would religiously apply fake tan to her already naturally olive skin. She didn’t feel attractive enough without it and thought that her new boyfriend would not desire her as much if she left her skin natural.
The funny thing is, she wasn’t grossly insecure, in fact she has a pretty good head on her shoulders, though perhaps, like too many women, she lacked a little bit of self-love and appreciation.
So, why was I bewildered by this?
Because it amazes me that many of my fellow women think that all of this fake stuff makes them more appealing! Sure a fake tan once in a while is fine, but most men don’t even like it – not only can it look fake, it can smell terrible on the skin (which is what I told my friend but she rejected my meddling so I let it go).
Yet, so many women are obsessed with these things that do not add anything of real value to the woman they are.
The craziest part of all, is the guys they want to attract, the healthy minded men of good quality, are not in the least bit interested in fake eyelashes, tans, boobs, heavy makeup, and whatever else you might be pushing. It is important to be empowered to be real, to be the beautiful woman you are.
Let’s start with the why. What are some reasons that women feel they must invest in fake and expensive things to enhance their appearance to get or keep a man? There are a few factors to consider:
- It’s All She Sees – We are all a product of our environment and experiences. Women who grew up in a household where they saw their mothers doing any and everything to get and keep a man, will ultimately grow up to do the same.
- She’s Got Low Self Esteem – True love starts with self-love. A woman who does not know how to love herself, that does not feel confident in herself, will always look to others to make herself feel good. She will always be willing to mold herself to be liked by others, to be attractive to men. When more often than not, the fakeness can make a women far less attractive as she does not seem comfortable in her own skin.
- The Media – The media is a lot to blame for why women view themselves as unattractive. The women that society finds beautiful or displays as beautiful are often of one body type, shape, and color. They have long flowing hair, shapely figures, gorgeous skin, perfect lashes, and the guys go bananas over it. Yes, you’ve heard this all before, nothing new here, so why would the everyday woman try and alter herself to resemble women portrayed in media, when in real life they know many of these women don’t look like they do in the magazines etc.?
- Other Women – Believe it or not, another reason a woman might feel insecure and succumb to social pressure is because of the women she surrounds herself with. If you’re around women who believe they need to enhance or even transform themselves to feel good and to get attention from men, then chances are you’re going to do the same thing, irrespective of how effective or ineffective it is. I have personally had a friend tell me what she thinks I could do to improve my face.
- Past Experiences – Maybe you’ve been cheated on and the other women turned out to possess qualities you didn’t see in yourself. Maybe you’re always getting overlooked for the girl with the long hair, big boobs and shapely figure. So you alter yourself to be the woman your ex cheated on you with, or to be the girl that gets noticed instead of the girl that gets overlooked.
That’s just a scratch on the surface when it comes to why women feel the need to fake it to get the man they want…
The question now is what do you do about it? How do you get to a place where you feel so empowered that you don’t need validation from any man or woman?
- Affirmations – You are what you think of yourself. If you believe that you’re not tanned enough, tall enough, your boobs aren’t big enough, you’re not shapely enough then this is exactly what you’re going to feel. I want to encourage you to change your way of thinking by affirming your confidence every day. A simple practice like getting up each day, standing in the mirror naked, and saying “I am gorgeous” or “I appreciate you”, can make you feel great. The more you say it, the more you believe it, the more you believe it, the more you start to show it.
- Stop Comparing – If you’re going to learn how to love yourself you’re going to need to stop comparing yourself to others. There is no cookie cutter way to be. Stop looking at other women as a comparison to you. Everyone was created uniquely. When you see a model on the cover of a magazine, don’t immediately start comparing her slim, likely photo-shopped body to yours. If that means you need to take a break from media for a while, then do that.
- Don’t Sweat the “Bad Stuff” – I’m sure if we all analyzed our bodies, we’d find something that we wish we could change, “the bad stuff”. Your imperfections are what make you special and unique. Even the most polished supermodel has a thing or two about herself she wishes she can change, but you’d never know it, because they own the good and bad (and really, how “bad” is the bad?) The word “bad” should be removed out of the English language.
- Stop Tolerating – The experiences we go through can desperately hinder our ability to see ourselves in a positive light. In order to improve your confidence and feel empowered you’ve got to stop tolerating negative treatment and staying in negative situations.
- Surround Yourself with Empowered Women – You must be mindful of the company you keep. If your circle of friends doesn’t value you, puts you down, or is always playing on your weaknesses, these are not friends you want to surround yourself with. Instead you should be around women who will uplift you, support you, and help you to feel empowered.
Being real is what helps you to find true love. Finding true love of course starts with learning how to love yourself. When you’re confident in your skin, confident in the person you are, no man or woman will ever make you feel as if you need to fake who you are or fake your appearance.
Be empowered to be your true self and you will eventually attract the one who will love you in all of your beauty – including your so called flaws.
If you’re in a relationship and you don’t feel you can relax unless you’ve got a full-face on and a weekly fake tan, then perhaps it’s time to relax a little and be bold. Bold enough to tone it down and be real.
Sure, looking after yourself is nice, I am not telling you to let yourself go and become a sloth, far from it, this article is about pondering the idea that maybe you’re more beautiful than you think you are.
Think about the extra time and money you will accrue over time. And don’t forget this very poignant factor – As I mentioned, very few men like it, so if you’re doing this for men, think again. There is a very small percentage of the male population that values the faker woman.
Now that’s a relief.