Dating Over 40: Is It Harder to Find Love?

Dating Over 40: Is It Harder to Find Love?

Perhaps logically you know that there is no age limit to finding true love. Yet, I find that subconsciously (and even consciously), quite a few of my clients over the age of 40 feel that either; their biological clock is ticking, which creates an immense pressure to find a match, or they suppose that it’s too late for love – believing that once they’re over 40, there is some sort of “force” preventing love from ever coming their way…

As a result they may feel a desperate need to find someone to be with, for fear they’ll spend the rest of their lives alone, or they simply give up on what their heart truly desires.

As a relationship coach, I know this is far from the truth. I know that love can manifest at any age, and there are a LOT of women out there who have found love in their 40s, 50s, and 60s and even later, and felt as if it was better than the love they experienced in their 20s and 30s…

Here’s why:

  • You’re Good on Your Own

Obviously, you’ve been in a relationship or two. Now that you’re in your 40s, you have a clear understanding that your happiness cannot and should not revolve around one person. You’ve got experience at creating your own happiness and being content with who you are as a woman.

You have been through some of the worst relationship experiences and have a solid group of friends who will support you and always be there for you. You understand by now that you are a phenomenal woman on your own, and that when Mr. Right does come along, he will be an addition to your happiness.

  • You Know Who You Are

Many women in their 20s struggle with lack of self confidence in a relationship. They have not fully identified who they are and thus do not exude the same confidence that a woman in her 40s would display. In your 40s you have had enough life experiences to know who you are as a woman. You know what your likes and dislikes are. You know what you’re interested in and what you won’t waste your time on. You’re aware of your gifts and abilities as well as your weaknesses and flaws and you are confident with it all.

  • Your Views of Love Aren’t Clouded

When you’re new to love and relationships, your views of what it should be can be fantasied or romanticized. You have this picture-perfect idea of what a loving relationship is supposed to look like and are often let down when reality sets in.

As a confident woman in her 40s however, you understand that love is not perfect and requires work, patience, and understanding. You are no longer trying to find true love in the arms of a made-up prince charming based on a laundry list of expectations and “must have” qualities.  You are essentially looking for a man with qualities, values, and aspirations that are compatible to yours that you can grow old with.

  • You’re Sexually Confident (or more so than when you were younger)

While you may think that your sex life was great in your 20s and 30s, many women would agree that once you reach your 40s, your sex life reaches an entirely new peak. In your 40s, you’re more confident and comfortable in your skin. You are more accepting of your body and know what “skills” you have to bring to the bedroom to drive your partner crazy. This self confidence in the relationship creates a sexual attraction unlike any other, making your partner long for you even more.

  • You Can Focus More on You and Him

Women who find love after their 40s are not inundated with the same responsibilities that a woman in her 20s would be. Running around after younger children, you’ve likely accomplished what you’re after with your career and education goals, and you’re at a point where you’re simply ready to enjoy life. This leaves more time to focus on building a great relationship with your partner.

  • You’re Not Confined to Your Age Group

If you were to ask a guy in their 20s, 30s, or 40s, to list some of their all-time celebrity crushes, chances are they’d name women like Halle Berry, Jennifer Lopez, Cameron Diaz, and Sofia Vergara would be at the top of the list. Do you know what all of these ladies have in common? They’re all over the age of 40 and looking fabulous! When you’re in your 40s, you have the attention of men your age, and men younger than you – if that’s what you’d prefer.

Debunk the Myths and Get Out There

You may have thought that finding true love in your 40s was a difficult task to accomplish, but as you can see, you have so much working for you that you may not have 10, 20 years ago. You have a lot to bring to the table – sexual attraction, awareness of what you want, fewer responsibilities, appreciation for your partner, and self confidence in a relationship are all appealing qualities.

Still a bit hesitant to get back out there and find the man of your dreams? Here are some tips for dating and finding love in your 40s.

  • Continue to take care of yourself – the better you feel the more confident you are.
  • Follow your passions – as you’re looking for love, don’t stop doing the things that make you smile. You may end up meeting someone who shares your passions.
  • Keep an open mind – don’t be close minded about finding love. If a guy possesses qualities that you find desirable, give him a chance. This doesn’t mean fall in love with every guy you date, but it does mean be open to what’s out there. You may find love in someone you never thought possible.
  • Start online – if you’ve been out of the dating game for a while, it may be intimidating for you to just go to a bar and start flirting with guys you find attractive. Instead of putting so much pressure on yourself, try online dating. You can create a profile and talk to guys that you’re interested in. Once you feel comfortable, you can set up a date and meet in person.
  • Celebrate the incompatible ones – this one may seem difficult at first, but if you start dating a guy and he turns out to be a mismatch, celebrate your ability to recognize this early on and move on from it. There was a time you would have stayed and tried to make it work, but with wisdom and courage you understand what is for you and what isn’t, and that in and of itself should be celebrated.

You may feel like finding love in your 40s is nearly impossible. Like your love-clock has run out, and you’re going to be alone forever…

The truth is, being older is a special time, because as you step into your beauty, brilliance, confidence and sexiness, you’re able to attract a much better match. Because chances are, you’ve been through enough joy and heartache and experienced enough life to know who you are, and more importantly what you want in a partner. This, if anything, makes it much easier to find love, a love that withstands the test of time.

I suggest you get very clear about what ignites your heart and the kind of connection that feels safe and connected, this way when you meet a man with these qualities you will INSTANTLY recognise them.

This is the ultimate trick to finding a true match; knowing what you’re worth and only investing time in men who support your core values and honour you as you honour you. Sure, he may not be perfect, though you are both able to work in unison to create a beautiful relationship.

So I encourage you to step into the possibility of true connected love with an open heart, stand tall in self-belief and embrace your age!

Geez, make it work for you!

With Love,

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