How often do you stop to think about what real love is? You probably have an answer that includes a whole range of things… kindness, feels good, sex, snuggles, playful moments, someone to listen, shared values and life goals…
But is this what love is all about?
The truth is, sex doesn’t mean love, nor does having fun and playful moments. On their own these relationship attributes won’t equate to intimate love. Sure, these things are well and good and will help a connection, though they’re not the foundations for true lasting love.
What I’ve come to know is true love is both simple and complex; it’s always in motion and always changing, because we are always changing.
What makes loving relationships simple is when two people are open to the changes and shifts that arise. Love becomes complex and even outright painful when we’re in combat, and what may surprise you is this combat stems from ourselves, more so than from the person that you’re in a relationship with.
If you would like to end the struggle and the tug-of-war, then have a look the 4 things that will keep your love alive and thriving…
1. Be Authentically You
True love begins with being authentic about who you are, which is about self-honesty. If you’re tired of attracting the wrong men or you’re relationship is troubled, then you might need to get real about what truly satisfies you and what you really want.
Have you ever thought that being honest with someone you’ve just met is frightening?
Well, that is often true but only if you take honesty to mean you should tell your whole life story to your new boyfriend on the first or second date. No, it’s much simpler than this: just don’t lie to him to make him like you more.
Some of us, when they fall in love, believe they have a better chance with the object of their affection if they demonstrate the same interests or attitudes as him. But think about it: we’re talking about a long-term, loving and fulfilling relationship. Do you really want to pretend to be a rugby fan or a lover of architecture all your life? Pretence does not help love blossom. Honesty does.
Butterflies in the stomach may come and go but if you’re honest with the man you have a crush on, you two are more likely to keep those butterflies alive for longer.
2. Honor Love With Courage & Humility
Loving relationships invariably involve courage. You need to throw your ego out the door and get raw with you. How, you may ask? Courageous people can be honest with the one they love. Courageous people are also ready to recognize a mistake they’ve made, admit to it and apologize.
It really does take courage to say sorry but it is so vitally important for true love. Why? Because we all make mistakes and being able to admit these mistakes can strengthen your bond with your significant other better than great sex or a gift. There is nothing sexier than a man or woman who can show humility and vulnerability.
Courage means being able to take responsibility for your own actions and, when it comes to love and relationships, it also means being able to accept that life is not all black and white. There are as many shades in between as there are people and individual perspectives. If you have the courage to step out of your own shoes and see how life looks like in the shoes of your partner, you might learn something invaluable, a whole new angle of looking at things.
If you can look at things from another person’s perspective, you will be much more understanding, much more forgiving even, and we all know how essential understanding and the ability to forgive are for true love. These two things are the best antidotes for ego based conflict, this killer of romance, and they both require courage.
3. Graceful Boundaries:
When you’re authentic and you’ve cultivated some vulnerability, you can articulate healthy loving boundaries. This combines honesty with courage and makes you capable of speaking directly about your needs and desires to the person you love and trust.
It is sometimes difficult to master graceful boundaries because many of us are too afraid of rejection, or we get so angry and overcome by intense emotion that we can become aggressive in the face of conflict.
Some can get so afraid of speaking their truth, that they’d rather swallow any disappointment or uncertainty, than speak out in an open and heart felt way. Swallowing the undesirable aspects of a relationship doesn’t make it healthy. It is open, direct communication that will keep your love evergreen and deepen your mutual trust.
Being open about your boundaries will also help you grow and emotionally mature. This maturity in turn will help you appreciate the love you have more fully, it will help you enjoy everything you do with your loved one on a higher, superior level. In short, maturity will nourish your relationship like nothing else.
MORE: Want to know how to set healthy boundaries with your man? >>> Find out the secrets here <<<
4. Humor for Harmony:
One of the best tips on finding love and keeping it is having fun. Have fun, enjoy life, and don’t dwell on the “negative”. For some people, it’s a knack they are born with, while others learn it with time and experience…
In romantic relationships, being able to see the funny side of things is particularly important: just think about how many arguments can be avoided if you two just laughed off a tense situation. But to be able to laugh it off, you need to see its funny side. This is not as difficult as it may sound because most situations have a funny angle.
Imagine, for example, him not returning your calls for several hours. You may fret or get suspicious before he calls you and tells you he forgot his phone at home. Then you could either continue to be suspicious, scold him for being forgetful, or you could make a joke about it.
Which path do you think will deepen your love for each other? The one that relieves stress and makes you laugh, of course.
Conflict provides a valuable opportunity to communicate and learn more about yourself and your partner. See hiccups as a way to go deeper and become stronger. This develops the roots needed to stay upright in the wind.
If you follow the above points I can assure you that your relationships will grow and develop in the most beautiful of ways.
If you want your loving relationships to be easier then it’s time for some authenticity, courage, openness and to see the funny side in the awkward. This is the recipe for lasting love and happiness.
~ Nadine Piat
*** Please share with me your experience with keeping a relationship connected and lasting, or share your current situation, what have you and haven’t you tried – you can do that right now in the comments section below. Just scroll down a little 🙂 Thank you.