So many people in a troubled marriage or relationship often feel as though no matter what they do the relationship doesn’t seem to improve. It’s stuck in an endless cycle of frustration and confusion…
You may feel all alone, lost and unsure what to do next. Sometimes it’s hard to believe that you were once so in love, or at least somewhat happy, and now you can’t believe how lonely a marriage or relationship can be when it’s not working the way you had hoped.
Sometimes people do try different things to improve the relationship, which is great, at the same time they may not be consistent in the changes they make, so no real change seems to take place. Or what they tried didn’t work and they give up without trying something more effective.
Almost every relationship challenge is fixable, and the reason I say “almost” is because there are certain challenges that are more than the everyday challenge, and sometimes these issues cannot be amended, and certainly not without intense therapy by a practiced professional.
BUT, the good new is, there are 3 things you can do to turn your relationship turnaround. Sure, there are many ways to resurrect a failing connection, though once you get the Three C’s sorted you’ll be on the path to relationship bliss.
When you think of commitment, you may wonder whether someone is committed to you physically – is this person seeing me exclusively, do we have future plans together?
But, what about the kind of commitment that really matters?
If you don’t commit to the process of ‘change and learning’ then a healthy relationship is next to impossible. If your partner is less committed to working on himself than you, then improving the relationship may still work, though I wont lie, it won’t be easy.
What will make it easier is if you show that you’re changing and making an effort – the other person may then meet you at that same place of introspection, emotional maturity, intimacy and commitment. The upside is you’ll have great success in improving you and by doing this you will establish what you do and don’t want in a relationship. You will get clarity. This is also effective if you’re single.
I’ve worked with so many couples in a myriad of ways and if one person steps up the other usually follows, even with partners who had given up, the relationship can still turn around.
Things that will help you on your path to commitment:
- Show humility – You cannot connect and build love and intimacy when you’re fighting to be Ms Perfect, the one who can do no wrong, remember everyone does what they do for what they believe is good reason, effective or not. Learn from your actions and be open and honest about it. We all do things we wish we did not. Own these things. This shows strength of character and is an attractive trait.
- Take responsibility for your contribution – we all contribute to the challenges one way or another.
How you relate to another is paramount to connected love – unfortunately many people do not have a healthy way of relating with their partner, because ultimately they lack the ability to relate to their very own selves. Most people struggle to communicate and understand their our hearts and minds, let alone another person.
Often we communicate verbally and non-verbally in a way that we would NOT like someone else to communicate with us.
Communication must involve conscious listening and a desire to understand your partner (and yourself). How can you understand one another when you’re huffing, puffing, closed off to understanding, shaking your head before they’ve even finished, and telling them they are WRONG.
Alternatively, your style of communication might be to close off, suppress your feelings, and pretend that nothing is wrong.
Either way, open and graceful communication is needed for a stable, intimate and loving relationship.
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Consistency is magic! Who are you consistently? Not once in a while, consistently!? If you want to change the relationship then consistency will be your friend and greatest ally.
For example – Each of you will have different traits or behaviors you want to change. Once you have identified that you have a pattern then you need to create a new pattern. And the word pattern is interesting – a pattern is made up of something being repeated.
So replace one pattern with another pattern and over time it will become automatic and super easy.
Here is a list of some things you might like to change:
- Try listening more and talking less – If you’re a talker, always want to be heard then it’s time to listen, and understand your man.
- Try sharing more – Be confident to share how you feel from a loving, clear and graceful place.
- Being more or less affectionate – Touch more or less depending on your individual situation.
- Being gentler in the way you speak – Be mindful of your tone and how you deliver information.
- Being more verbally appreciative – Tell your partner what you love about them.
- Give your partner more space – Give the relationship air to breathe, take up a hobby, spend time with friends more.
- Stop chasing or forcing love – Allow love to develop, give your man time to reach out to you.
If you would like to create real results then you cannot change something just for one day, then decided it’s not working. You have to show yourself and others that you can do it consistently. It is then that they will trust that this new way is authentic and real, not just a ploy, or a short lived surge of inspiration.
Just because it feels different or uncomfortable, doesn’t mean that it’s not going to feel comfortable soon and create great results.
If I want to quit sugar, I must do so with commitment, consistency and communicate with myself about it. When the old self wants to rear it’s little head to say, “hello…I want ice-cream”, then it’s up to me to say no, not today. It’s not an option.
If you want great love then it’s up to you to fire up YOUR GREATNESS.
If you’re a nag or you always need to be right then you can stop this pattern through – commitment, communication and consistency, and watch your love relationship transform.
If you often think a man won’t love you then how is that supporting the Three C’s?
~ Nadine x
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