He says, “He DOESN’T Want a Relationship” – What Does That Mean?

He says, “He DOESN’T Want a Relationship” – What Does That Mean?

Please listen carefully and never forget this

When a man says he doesn’t want a relationship it means; HE DOES NOT WANT A RELATIONSHIP now or with you… SIMPLE!

A man tells you more about who he is and what he wants in the first two weeks of knowing him than he probably will in the proceeding weeks.  And unfortunately most women do not listen and pay attention to these clear indicators.

To all the broken-hearted women out there who fell for the unavailable man – cry if you need to, grieve him and the fantasy, and then quickly move on to an empowered place of self-love and new love.

It’s time to really get this valuable love lesson, and not only for your emotional wellbeing, this lesson will astronomically move you closer to REAL love, the kind of love that feels really good!

NOT… good, bad, good, terrible, painful, good, painful… that’s not how love is supposed to feel.

he doesn t want a relationship

To make this all the more confusing; some men treat women well in general, even the women they sleep with yet don’t see a future with.  Most women assume that because he’s nice to her that he may want something more after all.

A good guy will tell you if he only wants something casual – what you do with that information is the difference between – frustration and hurt AND finding real commitment and love.

Women make a huge mistake by thinking one or more of the following:

  • He’ll change his mind once he spends more time with me
  • If the sex is good enough and I please him enough he’ll commit to me
  • He’ll be ready for a relationship soon and I’ll be right here, cause I’m kind of like his girlfriend anyway
  • He’s so nice to me it must mean he likes me

The moment a guy tells you he doesn’t want a relationship, although he likes you enough to “hang out”, BUT not interested in anything serious is the moment that defines all…

Why would a healthy minded, high value, gorgeous woman hang out with a man when he doesn’t want a relationship, WHEN SHE DOES?

Sometimes the guy you’re spending time with may really like you, although the timing is terrible; he’s just broken up with someone and/or is still emotionally attached.  Some men won’t feel ready for commitment when certain areas of their life are not as they would like it to be, such as; not happy with his career, lost his job, not divorced yet, doesn’t feel as though he’s financial successful enough for something serious, etc.

It’s still the same thing – he doesn’t feel ready, therefore he does not want a committed relationship right now. Sure, he may want to spend time with you, though it will be on his terms.

Here are my tips for you:

  1. Thank him for being upfront and honest
  2. Decide if you want something casual or not
  3. If you’re open to something casual you must know that that’s what it is.  Casual. Nothing more.
  4. If not, be his friend only.  Do not sleep with him.  If he wants you in his life he needs to sort himself out.
  5. Have NO expectations.  He may never sort himself or be ready.
  6. Do NOT fantasize what it be like to be with him – he could be a terrible partner, so do not make up a story of how amazing he is.  You don’t know that.  Which leads to my next point…
  7. You have your own life and catch up with him when it suits you only, he is NOT your priority
  8. Date other men and do this properly, as your priority. Be OPEN to someone who’s ready for a relationship.
  9. If you cannot spend time with him without having a strong yearning to be with him, or deep down you’re hoping that he’ll change his mind, then don’t see him or speak to him at all.  Women make a regular habit of torturing themselves.  Do not see him.  Move on. You have to trust that if he’s right for you, he will sort himself out and pursue you later.  Hanging around like a bad smell doesn’t give him space to sort himself out.  You’re still there HANGING ON to whatever he’ll give you.

The man worth your time is a man you feel emotionally and physically safe around.  We all know when we don’t feel this, even if we pretend or make excuses, we know!  (*Side note – this applies to men with women too)

A man who’s interested in a relationship with you will:

  • Be happy to wait a while before having sex
  • Wants to see you during the day, not just at night (or not just for a quickie)
  • You may not have sex every time you see him (it’s not all about sex)
  • He will want to see you on Friday and/or Saturday nights  (before 9pm!)
  • After a few months he wants you to meet his friends and family
  • He’ll talk about what you can do together in the future
  • He’ll introduce you as his girlfriend (not as a “friend”)

So to all of the wonderful women who have fallen for Mr. Non-Commital, the lesson is; listen and hear what he has said, pay attention to his actions, and when you know something isn’t feeling quite right then it probably isn’t.

Be strong enough to walk away from someone who doesn’t want the same things as you, and do so earlier rather than later.

You’re better off single and available for the right guy, not the guy who you want to be the right guy.

Nadine x

MORE: If you’re ready to meet the right guy and you want to make sure you NEVER again get hooked to Mr. Wrong then this will make sure you never suffer from unnecessary heartache again =>  Get the love you want and deserve

Nadine Piat

Nadine is a Professional Coach, Writer, Speaker and the Founder of Healthy You Healthy Love. Nadine's mission is to inspire women to live a life full of love and inner peace!


  • Rishita
    November 27, 2016 5:33 am

    Very true…. And unknowingly I did the same and I am happy that I did..

    • Lisa
      September 18, 2017 1:59 pm

      hi, thank you for your article, it helped me in some way, but i’m still very confused.
      I kissed the guy i like a few days ago, he was so sweet, we slept together, but he didn’t initiated to do more than kissing and cuddling (he’s a virgin).
      But he doesn’t know what he wants and just confuses himself by thinking too much about it. I decided to talk to him today during break time at school, to make things clear, but his answer was “i don’t know yet, i’ll tell you when i know”
      what does that mean? Do you think he’ll engage a relationship with me?

  • gabriela
    December 1, 2016 8:53 pm

    ok, I am really confused… because I don’t want all those things on the commitment list:

    I don’t want to wait before having sex
    I don’t want to see him during the day could be just for a quickie, yep do somethings in the day could be nice, but is not suffering if it doesn’t
    yep – You may not have sex every time you see him (it’s not all about sex)
    I don’t care when he wants to see me… I only care if there’s a frequency… I don’t want to be too close and not too apart
    I really don’t care about meeting his friends and family… not now, and i don’t want to introduce him to anyone.
    the only talk i want to have about the future is if we are going to some trip, or watch that serie together
    I don’t care if people know about us or doesn’t and I like to be free to meet and go out with other people, i don’t want to post it on facebook, I just like to be with him… is that a commitment? is that casual?

    • Nadine Piat
      March 1, 2017 11:09 pm

      Hi Gabriela – I am so sorry for the delay in getting back to you. From what you shared that sounds to me like you’re in a casual relationship. You’ve committed to spend time with him but it’s on your terms, so it’s not a committed relationship as far as including him in your life in the big picture.

  • victoria
    December 2, 2016 1:50 am

    this article has been written so simlple and so on point.it was like a summery of everything.its hard for women to look at men objectively.and the thing is when were not really satisfied we cant pretend it.men simply see the whole picture and don think!i wonder how they avoid thinking.they sleep with so many women but they dont feel bad abour it they feel sarisfied ans proud.why arent we like this?? why dont we feel proud to have sex and then dont even care!!! then they call us slut ??

    • Bob
      November 25, 2017 3:00 am

      Guys have sex with lots of women?? You know you are just describing the top 10% of males that every woman goes after while they ignore the other 90% of men. The majority of men don’t have that many sexually partners. It’s the top 10% of men that the majority of women are having sex with in their younger years. When you have the top 60%-70% of women sleeping with the to 10% of men, then of course those top 10% will have more partners than women. They sleep with a lot of women because many women want to be with them. You give them the key to the restaurant and of course they’ll take the whole buffet. This is a scientific fact that has been proven with research from dating web sites. A man who is realistically a 7 out of 10 will get labeled as a 3 or a 4 by a women who is realistically a 5 out of 10, but sees herself as an 8 or 9.

      • Nadine Piat
        November 25, 2017 3:38 am

        Hi Bob, thank you for your comment. I appreciate your perspective and agree with you on a number of things. I would like to clarify – I did not say that all or most men are like the man I described in the article. Not at all. I do not think that 90% of the male population are looking for or having a casual hook up or “no strings”. In fact, many people are having NO sex at all. I’ve coached men and women for years and I’ve rarely come across a man who’s not wanted to find a true loving connection. The article was written for women who are attached hooked to a man who’s clearly stated his no-commitment “position” – yet the women is hoping for MORE. I do agree that there is a certain type of man/men that may typically get more attention from women than other types of men. This is quite normal. My role is to educate women on how to choose better partners for an authentic commitment. Which means – the more evolved a woman is the less tempted she is by a man who’s not truly showing and expressing to her that he’s on the same page. If I was writing to men, I would say the same thing. Men too get hooked to women that aren’t healthy for them. When we are ready to want what we CAN have then we will find a true partnership. Ain’t that the challenge – to wire out minds and hearts to be turned-on by a kind and giving partner, rather than someone who’s on a different path, yet still feeding you enough crumbs to keep you following for more. Do you want the crumbs or the whole loaf of bread? Find a man who’s willing the share the whole loaf! As for the self-rating or the rating of others – I think this is tricky as there are plenty of women who don’t rate themselves highly enough, which feeds into this problem. Perhaps that’s a topic for another article.

  • Fiona
    July 20, 2017 5:10 am

    If he says he doesn’t want a relationship and wants to remain ‘friends’, but acts as if he is in one with you whenever he’s with you…And whenever we are together we always end up getting physical. I’m definitely not one for a casual relationship normally, but I definitely have feelings for this guy. But there’s also no commitment for him to talk to me throughout the day (and he doesn’t often) or even properly care about me. I know I want a relationship with him, is it wrong to keep waiting and hoping?

    • Nadine Piat
      July 22, 2017 11:55 am

      Hi Fiona, I can’t tell you what to do, though what I do know is that when he calls you “friends” then he’s not committing. He doesn’t have to commit because he still gets you… and sex… without it. So if you want a relationship then you have to know what you deserve and be clear to yourself about it and perhaps to him. But this is not about him, this is about you and you honouring what you value. Some men are so lovely, even when they’re not committing, as per my article, and this can really mess with your emotions. If you want someone to wholeheartedly care about you and reach out to regularly, and a man who wants to openly date you and be in a relationship with you, then you have to ask yourself – is the way you are going about your love life right now going to give you what you want? A truly loving and devoted commitment?

  • Cristina Stanley
    July 25, 2017 4:06 am

    There is a difference in saying you don’t want a relationship versus you don’t want a relationship with them. I have dated a guy that I knew that we were better off friends and told him that and now we are the best of friends. I moved on started dating someone I was attracted to and I wanted a relationship with him, in both cases, I still wanted a relationship, but the first guy I just wasn’t attracted to and thought I would get over it or being shallow but I didn’t started dating someone else. So both of those phrases are not mutually exclusive.

    • Nadine Piat
      July 25, 2017 4:18 am

      Hi Christina, this is very true. Some people will say that they’re not looking for a relationship when in fact they’re just not attracted to you in that way. In this article I was referring to women getting hooked to men who are not interested in a relationship for whatever reason – lack of attraction, sees no future, not in a good place. In my opinion, it normally doesn’t really matter the reason why. If they’re not making you one of their main priorities, when you know you want a relationship, then it’s not working, unless one is TRULY happy to be in a “friends with benefits” situation. To comment further on your perspective – getting attached to someone who’s just not interested in you in a romantic sense, though happy to be friends is not a bad thing, as long as you can accept that it’s platonic. Some people can make this work, some cannot. I have a number of fabulous males friends who are JUST friends, though some of these relationships were challenging early on, though once the friendship was clearly the only thing on the table, a friendship became legitimate.

  • Sophie
    August 3, 2017 5:35 pm

    I’ve been seeing this guy for about 4 weeks, we’ve been on great dates, been intimate and have messaged each other constantly every day. However, the other day he brought up with me that he wasn’t ready to commit to a serious relationship, as he’d left a 6-year relationship about 6 months ago, but he really likes me. I was surprised that we were discussing serious relationships and whether we were ready for that kind of thing at 4 weeks in. My question is what do I do now? I’m very grateful that he’s been honest and brought it up himself (because it was not on my mind!) but I don’t know if either of us are capable of being totally casual with one another due to how well we get on, but should I give him time?

    • Nadine Piat
      August 23, 2017 10:06 pm

      Hi Sophie, I am so sorry as I just saw this comment from you. It’s been a few weeks so your situation may have changed, though my answer to you is this – what does your heart need? Do you want a relationship with him? Do you want commitment? If so – then listen to what you value in a relationship. Do you feel emotionally safe with this guy in the current situation? If you want a loving and supportive relationship with a man who’s 100% emotionally available to you then is this guy that kind of man right now? If you want the whole sandwich, will you be satisfied with the crumbs? Sending love! I know how tricky this time is. My article says it all really – maybe re-read it and see what surfaced there for you.

  • Canina
    August 25, 2017 3:38 am

    Hi Nadine! Thanks for a great article. I met a guy recently and we really connected. First date lasted 20 hours (and we just talked mainly, did not have sex). However, he said right from the start that he’s not able to enter a proper relationship with anybody. The reasons he gave are that he had a disastrous divorce and that his work life is out of control (working a 70 hour week). I have no interest whatsoever in Friends With Benefits situations. So I’m guessing I should just walk away immediately?

    • Nadine Piat
      August 25, 2017 4:04 am

      Hi Canina, Your situation is very typical of a man (or any person) in his situation, some men are able to enter into a relationship more easily than others, though many need the time to process and heal in order to be 100% available to be with a gorgeous woman like you! So, you gotta thank him for his honesty. You’ve asked me for my perspective? Well, it’s simple you have told me you have no interest in friends with benefits so that really is your answer since it seems that’s what he is putting on the table. You deserve to be with a man who is ready for you and wanting what you want so be true to what you value. Who knows, he may step up and reach out to you again when he’s done the work he needs to do, but don’t hold out for it. So you have to make the decision that’s true to your heart, so be loving to you. When you honour your heart you will know what to do. Hugs and love, Nadine

      • Canina
        August 25, 2017 1:36 pm

        Thanks for your reply Nadine 🙂

  • Chloe
    September 6, 2017 4:11 am

    Hi Nadine!
    I guess I’m not a unique snowflake here. Sorry, my comment is so long I have to divide it for a small parts because I really need to say all this.
    2 years ago a guy has started working in my department and almost from the very beginning we felt attraction to each other. We have a similar type of personality, we like the same music and understand the jokes no one else could. I’m 6 years older than him (he’s 25 now) and I have husband…
    I don’t want to go deep into my relationship with a partner, but I can say that from the very beginning it wasn’t “the man of my dream” and I kind of pushed myself into this relationship for a number of reasons. Anyway, the moment I understood I like this guy so much, I could not think about anything else. I’m not proud of myself for cheating in a long term relationship, but the only thing I thought about was this guy and that’s he is the one and I’m ready to sucrifies everything I have for him.

    • Chloe
      September 6, 2017 4:13 am

      For a while he didn’t do anything, but then, when I thought that he might not into me after all, he kissed me first after work. After that moment I felt that I can’t be with anyone else except him. When I had been coming home I almost not talked to my partner, needless to say we weren’t close sexually. After a while, when it seems we had a real something between us, this guy stopped to hug and kiss me, he distanced from me and when I asked what is going on, he said he likes me, but don’t want a relationship. I was shocked and overwhelmed, but I always kept in mind that I’m not kind of single and he know it and maybe that’s the reason. Nevertheless, we couldn’t keep ourselves from each other (well, we had been working together and saw each other 5 days a week) and we started kissing and hugging and other things (no sex though). And then again he distanced and again come back…

      • Chloe
        September 6, 2017 4:14 am

        Last summer I tried to tell him how I felt,how we are good together and have so much fun and attraction to each other, but once again he said “I like you, we have so much in common, but I told you I don’t want a relationship”. I after that I quit and went to another country because I had a PR visa. While I was here we texted a little, but he wasn’t initiative. During the month I was here (with my partner – just as a roommates) I couldn’t think about anything else, I didn’t like anything here and didn’t want to do anything here. I decided to get back to my country and get back to my company – they have been waiting for me for these 2 months. I got back alone, although I didn’t break up with my partner – I could not do it, I felt scared. I decided to be without him for a while to figure out what decision to make…

        • Chloe
          September 6, 2017 4:15 am

          When I got back, I decided that I will not text this guy first, will not hug and kiss him first. If he do it on his own, I’ll respond to it. All in all, from the first day I got back he hugged me all the time (we hired on stairs), but never kissed me again. When we went somewhere- movie, bar, he transformed to another person – more open, carrying, we had been holding hands. I always knew that he doesn’t like his job and always pissed about it and I tried to convince myself that maybe that’s why he can’t think about relationship right now. He and his friend started a business 2 years ago, but they didn’t succeed and right now they are trying to figure out what to do. Soo…for the 10 months I was in my country we were just hanging out at work but he never initiated something more…

          • Chloe
            September 6, 2017 4:17 am

            This July I told him I will fly to another country again and will try to do something with my life while he is going to do something with his life here. After that we got even closer, we started kissing again and I just tried to convince myself that he really likes me ( I know that he is not seeing anyone else and he’s not into casual sex – there was a lot of time we could do it, I gave him a hint a couple of times, but he always refused it) and maybe timing is not right. Maybe he’ll be miss me and eventually we’ll be together. I still reckon that “you know when you know ” and you can’t have such strong bond with anyone. He’s a really close person, keeps his emotions and feelings inside, but he opened up a little to me and the one who remembers a lot of small things – what I told 2 years ago, what I like etc. And I know and remember such things either…

  • Chloe
    September 6, 2017 4:19 am

    Before the flight we spend the night at my place and were really close to each other and had sex (I know it’s not a big deal, for a guy especially) I have never talked about our relationship again. He took me to the airport, he was really sad that I was leaving and he said the phrase I hate “everything for the best” – it’s hard to here something like that when you don’t want anything of these- you don’t want another country, you don’t want to be with anyone else. All you want is to be with him even just in one city, just to know that you can see him even if you is an initiator. All in all, I’m here, in a different country for a 1,5 months, I’ve tried to maintain our relationship and speak or text to each other at least once a week, but I don’t feel such desire from his side. Sometimes he can see a message and not answer or answer the next day..

    • Chloe
      September 6, 2017 4:20 am

      There was a situation about 1,5 weeks ago when I kind of tried to say to him that it seems like he want to minimise our communication and if so, please tell me. Now I think it was too much, he got defensive and for more than a week we haven’t spoken. When I read all I wrote it seems clear that I just have to leave him alone and move on, but I know myself and know that I’ve never felt something like I feel for hive and never bonded with someone the way I do with him. I have even told him that after I find a work I want him to come to me and he didn’t regect this idea, but right now after reading your article and comments I feel stupid and doubt the meaning of every moment we have – was it true?…
      I’m sorry for my English- it’s not my native language. I would really appreciate if you answer to my message.

      • Chloe
        September 6, 2017 4:21 am

        PS right now I still live with my partner but I know myself and know that I will not change the way I feel for him and I reckon we will break up soon because he definitely deserves to be with someone who will love him.

        Thank you.

        • Nadine Piat
          September 6, 2017 4:47 am

          Hi Chloe,

          Definitely, lots of comments to get this story out 🙂

          Don’t feel silly about how you’ve been feeling. What you’re going through happens and most men and women have found themselves attached to someone who does not want them in the same way…

          This doesn’t mean that the guy from your work doesn’t legitimately care for you. Heck, some people can love another person, though still not be able to have a healthy relationship with them… or be able to WHOLEHEARTEDLY COMMIT.

          This man has told you twice and very clearly that he does not want a relationship with you. Did you ever ask him – “If I was single (not married) would you want to explore a relationship with me?”

          From what you have said you have largely been the initiator – was that because you were married or did you simply desire him more than he desired you? Has he ever asked you to leave your husband?

          I have personally had an incredible connection with a few men in my time and this doesn’t mean that a relationship would work. A truly healthy relationship takes more than attraction, common interests and shared music taste.

          Perhaps ask yourself:

          Can this man be vulnerable and communicate on a deeper level (can you too)?
          Is he emotionally healthy? (are you too)
          Is he able to show vulnerabilty and humility?
          Is he mindful of you?
          Is he happy within himself?
          Does he like women?
          Does he believe in partnership?
          Does he have good character?

          There are so many things you don’t know about this man.

          So, right now, irrespective of why he doesn’t initiate and why he has distanced himself… it’s more important to ponder the above questions.

          I know this man moved things within you…perhaps like no other man has… and it still doesn’t mean that he’s the man for you long term.

          So, I cannot tell you what to do instead I suggest you take a moment to reflect on what is reality versus a fantasy. It’s also important to be honest with your heart – if you had not met this man at work would you be happy with your husband? Would you want to be with him? I know you said that you really should not have married him, I just want you to make sure that how you’re feeling now with your husband is not being clouded by your desire for another man.

          There is nothing more painful than loving or being attached to someone who does not love us back or know how to love us back. Sure, they dangle a carrot every now and then, though most of the time they are not truly with us. This can be like grating your own heart on a cheese grater.

          Maybe you don’t know all the answers right now. Be gentle with you and take some time to work out how you can HONOUR YOUR HEART. What do you need to do to live your life in a way that support your key values. What does true love feel and look like to you? etc..

          I hope this has helped you 🙂

          Much love,
          Nadine xx

          • Chloe
            September 6, 2017 6:39 am

            I can’t express how grateful I’m for your prompt and deep feedback!
            I have no answers to the questions you rose simply because we have never dated in a way other people do. All I know is that I was 100% relxed around him, I felt no anxiety around him and could express my thoughts clearly and not pretend that I’m some better version of me. I was happy just being with him even just at work even keeping this affair in secret. An it seemed to me he didn’t pretend to be better than he is as well. Yes, from the very beginning I saw that he’s a very close person – his manager and colleagues struggled to hear more that “2 words” from him and asked me about his thoughts about work stuff! One time he told me that I new about him more than his brother. We have never had a conversation about our views on relationships overall and the thing we have in particular because I felt he is not the kind of person who will express himself openly…

  • Chloe
    September 6, 2017 6:43 am

    He never asked me to leave my husband as well not asked to get back from the country I was for a month – and I understand him, because it’s a great responsibility. I was reckon I have to make these decisions on my own. I thought that guys don’t like such kind of talks and his behaviour says more than a words. That’s why I reckoned myself that he genuinely want to be with me because of the affection for me and the way he do small things which says more than any words. I thought I won’t give him a pressure and just be in his life. Sounds awful like I have lost myself completely. But guys like space and I thought that’s what he needed…
    PS I’m sure we would split up with my partner after all, but maybe a couple of years later…

    Once again thank you. I will try to adapt to this new reality I discovered now after 2 years of living in that fantasy.
    Thank you.

    • Nadine Piat
      September 6, 2017 10:16 am

      Hi Chloe, Whatever decision you make you need to make it for YOU – not for the guy from work – because unless you can have an open discussion with him about matters of the heart then you won’t know for sure where he is at. Yes, taking risks is part of life and few too many do, though just make sure that you are okay with whatever the outcome is. x

  • El
    September 9, 2017 12:46 am

    I was dating a guy for about 5 months. It started off as just friends until he told me one night that he had feelings for me. I expressed that I was hesitant because a few months prior i had just gotten out of a pretty intense relationship. We left it at that and remained friends for a few weeks. I knew he still liked me and i began to develop feelings the more we would hang out. Eventually we hooked up and spent every day and night together from there. We were in grad school together so we spent a lot of time together. However, we knew we were both going different places so we were looking at it as just fun at the time. But he would always joke around about things that we would do in our future. He introduced me to his family several times and he met my family. After graduation we both moved to two different cities a few hours apart.

    • El
      September 9, 2017 12:47 am

      Prior to leaving he would say that he was so excited for me to move and to come visit me on the weekends and for me to visit him. I visited once and he visited me once and then he started working and became distant. Then, it seems like out of no where, he couldn’t do it anymore. He explained, over text message, that he isn’t happy and he wants to be on his own to figure things out and be selfish with his life choices. At first i was surprised because he had told me 2 days earlier he was excited to see me in couple weeks. I explained that I was angry with the way he told me but that I understood. I figured if I were understanding and didn’t try to fight him that he’d figure out what he wants and he’d come back to me or we could at least be friends. Now its been a few weeks and i’ve heard nothing from him. So now i cant tell if i am the fool who fell for the excuse of a guy that just wasn’t interested or if he genuinely meant the things he said.

      • Nadine Piat
        September 9, 2017 2:15 am

        Hi El, I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through. The distancing and breakup journey can truly SUCK! No matter how evolved and pragmatic we are – something ending can be tough. Huge hugs to you… and know that you will be okay.

        Firstly, you’re not a fool. You care for him and it seems from what you said he cared for you too. Sure, it would have been nicer had he called you and even come to see you to talk to you about how he was feeling and his want to end things, though for some reason he didn’t do this. Why? Fear, not wanting to upset you, confusion, not trusting himself to let you go if he saw you, maybe he’s not particularly that emotionally evolved which means we acted more like a coward than a friend/lover. Don’t take this personally at all. This says far more about him than you.

        I think that right now you need to get on with your life. Focus on engaging on the things that make you feel good – and the most important thing is that you are kind to you. You don’t beat yourself up, don’t blame yourself or him. Just sit with your feelings.

        Of course you can contact him and tell him you’re struggling with how things ended so abruptly and you would like to talk about it – effectiivley you would like to “consciously uncouple”, though you have to prepared for him to reject the suggestion. If that was to happen then that is not about you. Okay?!

        Or you can simply let him go and focus on healing your heart and focus on what you DO WANT in a partner. The rest will sort itself out. He’ll either disappear into the distance, he’ll come back, or you’ll realise that he wasn’t the best match for you (perhaps he wasn’t after all) and you will meet someone ever better for you.

        Don’t sell your heart short. Celebrate you. Be confident that you’re a special woman deserving a man who wants to commit… and never forget this.

        Look, he really may not be in a good place… so rather than wonder if he’s lying, yes he could be, though people do have issues and fears and if he’s not ready then it’s okay. Trying to be in a relationship like this can be far more painful and damaging to you than letting him go and embracing your new life.

        So, I don’t know him and your relationship well enough to know the perfect next step, so you have to listen to your heart and work out what you need to do. Is contacting him to clarify a good idea, or is it best to leave him be right now the best thing to do?

        You have to be clear of your intention. If you contact him you have to go about it from an empowered place, not from a place of neediness – your intention needs to be pure. Learning about what happened VS wanting to get him back right now.

        You’ve got this EI!

  • Kristine
    September 27, 2017 12:57 am

    Hi, I’ve been seeing this guy for 7 months now. We only see each other every two weeks in our 3 months then after that we see each other everyweek. We don’t talk that much like everyday we only text when its friday to meet. I spend every weekends with him friday till sunday one day I told him that I’m starting to have feelings with him and I ask him if what are we bc each im with him he acts like my bf and I’ve meet his friends and family already then we don’t really do sex everytime Im with him. So his answer was I don’t want a serious relationship but he told me he become attached to me. What does it mean? I’m hurt can u gimmie an advice pls

    • Nadine Piat
      September 27, 2017 1:58 am

      Hi Kristine,

      Good for you that you had the conversation… it sounds to me that he’s confused. He doesn’t want a relationship, though he’s getting attached. If he doesn’t know what he wants then that’s not easy for you when you do know what you want – a relationship.

      So you can keep going as you are – spending precious time with him – the weekend is the time to meet new people and have fun with your friends, though you’re committing your whole weekend to him.

      While you’re always there when he wants to see you he doesn’t have to want a relationship with you – he knows that you’ll still be there (no matter what he’s offering). He doesn’t need to change.

      So, you have to ask yourself what you truly want?

      He’s told you how he feels right now, so sure, it hurts that he’s not wanting exactly what you want right now, though what you do next will either support what you value or it won’t…

      – So a casual friends with sometimes benefits that may or may not develop into a relationship is one path
      – Another path is letting him go and move on to allow the space for you to meet another person who wants a relationship with you
      – You could see him less and date other people

      You have choices – and I can’t tell you what to do!

      What I can say is – you have to honour yourself here. If you were to honour your heart, honour your values then you will know exactly what to do.

      Whatever you decide to do – do it with grace and dignity – from an empowered place.

      Some women can easily have a casual relationship with no strings, some cannot.

      Sometimes a relationship does develop out of something casual – though this is the minority that the majority.

      Honour your heart and you will make the best decision for you right now.

  • Jill
    October 28, 2017 7:32 pm

    I’m so glad I stumbled upon this post, Nadine. I hope you have time for a response. I’m only 20 y/o and have never been in a relationship. So about three weeks ago I started “talking” to a guy I was practically setup with “blindly” (although we connected on Social Media)by my brothers friend’ WITH one of their younger brothers. He had freshly gotten out of a 1+ year relationship with a, seemingly, controlling, attention seeking girl.. Anyway- Immediately we connected, felt like we had been friends for months because I was very comfortable being my goofy self. We would text constantly through the day and until late at night. *This is a long story, I’m going to send separate replies..

  • Jill
    October 28, 2017 7:33 pm

    He told me straight up, “Even if I’m in love with you after two days, I need to chill because I just broke up with my ex”. Four days later we go on our first date, yes actual date at 20 y/o! He came inside and greeted my parents and the date went well! We had about 5 dates/hangouts after the initial, we had both admitted we liked eachother (may have rushed talking about us being bf/gf in the future and I met some of his family, etc) and then he hit the brakes.

  • Jill
    October 28, 2017 7:33 pm

    He was distant in responses, and intuitively I knew something was up but didn’t want to address it. It went on like this for a week and finally I asked to speak to him over the phone and asked him if he was trying to “friend-zone” me in a nice way or what! He stated he didn’t want to bounce from relationship to relationship, had nothing to do with me, he doesn’t want to lead me on and that he and I could still communicate and hangout. Ok, I told him I understood and let it be.

  • Jill
    October 28, 2017 7:34 pm

    Unfortunately, I’ve been mentally torturing myself thinking I can change his mind if I show him what he’s missing. I know that I need to go on living my life, but I actually like HIM. I don’t want to stop talking overall, because I’m unsure if he really meant he’d like to still be casual, he didn’t say we were “just friends”. I don’t want to overstep my bounds, but I also don’t wanna waste my time. I guess just let him come to me and don’t put a second though into initiating anything with him? I’m sorry this story was so long, I hope you can give me some advice, please!

    • admin
      November 3, 2017 4:19 am

      Hello Jill, thanks for writing in. Unfortunately, I can’t tell you what to do, though my article is pretty clear. After reading about your situation it seems that he does really like you, legitimately, this doesn’t mean he’s the man for you right now. A man can love a woman even and still not be ready for her. If he’s not ready… he’s not ready – you can’t make him ready but showing him how amazing you are, I think he already knows this 🙂 xo If he wants friends with benefits then this is not commitment. It’s okay to do this if you’re truly up for this – NO STRINGS, no pressure, no expectations. If you can’t do this then the article says it all. You must honour your heart and treat yourself with honour, compassion and love. How would you do this right now?

  • Brad
    November 10, 2017 12:43 am

    This is spot on, and I’m one of the casual guys.

    • Nadine Piat
      December 6, 2017 9:07 pm

      Hi Brad! Thanks for the feedback. Have you always been a “casual guy”?

    • Nadine Piat
      December 6, 2017 9:09 pm

      Hi Brad! Thanks for the feedback. Have you always been a “casual guy”?

  • Annie
    November 23, 2017 2:12 am

    Hello, i am with a guy at the moment, he ask me to be his girlfriend but he also told me he doesn’t want a relationship and he cant be bother with love, he wants to live our lifes and when we meet we can have fun ( not only sexually ). I am confused because if he doesn’t want emotional connection and he want me to be his girlfriend doesn’t make much sense to me. Also he like handling my hands in public and he calls me sometimes his gf/wife. What will you call that, and what should i do? Because i want a real relationship.

  • Lexi
    December 12, 2017 9:45 pm

    Hi Nadine, than your for your article. I’ve been seeing a guy for 4 months now, we got along very well. He told me many times that he’s fulfilled from any perspective. He hooked up with others a few times back then, it hurts me but I stay calm each time, he seems more emotional than I was. He always tells me that he has to force himself to meet others, in order to not get used to me. I’ve never ask for commitment, because I know he just got out of a long term relationship and probably need time and space. By the end of last month, I got a long message from him, he said he purposely try not to get attach to me because he will move to another city, he decide not to build roots within 3 years. He’s mad at himself for treating me unfairly and seeing me has made him questioning about his goals. He said he’ll do anything to work things out once he commit, but he’s scared to start a new relationship after the previous ones.

    • Lexi
      December 12, 2017 9:46 pm

      My intention is clear, I don’t mind to relocate, maybe not right away, but I’ll work for it. I understand the importance of space, so I’m not except to live together even after I moved. I’m planning to go back to graduate school while he’s figuring his life out. I just want to stay distant but reachable to make sure that I’m there when he is ready. So I proposed to meet only casually, I’m even ok if he has to meet others at the same time, but I got another long message a few days after we did that. He don’t think we can avoid emotions since we get along so well. He still want to keep in touch with me, but not seeing me, not even causally. I’m confused because I really don’t think the challenges between us are insoluble. I don’t want to give up, but I’m not sure if he’s just trying to leave me without hurting me, or he’s just being very cautious.

      • Nadine Piat
        December 12, 2017 11:48 pm

        Hi Lexi, Thank you for sharing your situation and I know how hard it is to like a man who’s just not ready. You’ve asked me what to do and unfortunately I cannot tell you what to do. If you read my article, I am wondering if anything in there has given you some idea of what you should do now and in the future?

        You can’t change the way things are now, though moving forward you can be an empowered woman and communicate with him or any other man from a place of self-love and honour.

        If you want a relationship, yet he does not, then what does he have on offer? Fun times that suit him and casual sex. That’s it.

        While a woman is always there, taking whatever they can get, the man will typically lose interest or stay exactly the same! Because the woman is not honouring what she truly wants he doesn’t need to change or step up or GET READY FOR A RELATIONSHIP? Why would he change when the woman is always available. He doesn’t need to change. He doesn’t need to commit because you already have.

        I agree with you that the challenges may not be insoluble though they are when you’re not changing the way you’re approaching this. There is nothing more attractive to a man than a woman who has healthy boundaries and knows what she deserves. It’s interesting; he knows that you deserve better, though it seems that you do not know this to your core. He’s worried about hurting you and misleading you, yet you seem to always there no matter what. He knew that he was getting the better end of the deal. You were getting the copper while he was getting gold. He knew it and ended it.

        True love beings with you loving yourself first… he is not offering what you truly want, value anddeserve, so how is this YOU loving YOU? You deserve a beautiful relationship with a man who wants to completely commit to you. That’s what you want.

        I don’t want you to live your life … waiting for him….being “reachable” for when “he’s ready”! If you say this to him he doesn’t have to step up and he knows that you’re always there waiting for him. Just like a doormat. I do not believe that this is healthy or attractive to anyone.

        Let him go, live your life and if he wants you back it’s because he’s ready and maybe then you might have met another guy. You might not be there if he’s ever ready and if you thinks you’re always going to be there… waiting… as I said before, there is no rush for him to commit.

        I see too many women get hooked to men who will never commit to them or anyone. I don’t want this for you Lexi. I have coached many women on this very topic and there are lots of great men out there ready for love. Look for this type of man. And please read my article a few more times so that you don’t find yourself in this situation again.

        Lexi, beautiful woman, you deserve the kind of love that is kind, attentive and safe —-> you cannot feel emotionally safe with a man who’s not committed and who has told you that he does not want this.

        If he truly loves you and if you truly get along so well then get on with your life, live to the full, meet other men…and see what happens. Though you are in no means just sitting around waiting for him. He needs to know that you’re okay with out him and that you know how to honour yourself and look after your heart. This is a huge lesson for all people – we must learn how to honour and trust our own hearts.

        YOU DESERVE MORE xxxx

  • Paul
    January 29, 2018 7:40 pm

    Well it is very unfortunate that most single women really don’t want a relationship at all these days since many of these type of women just love sleeping around with all kinds of men, especially the ones that like to party all the time with their girlfriends and get very wasted as well. They’re the ones that have real commitment issues which many of us men can be very happy with only one woman if we were that lucky to meet the right one.

    • Nadine Piat
      January 30, 2018 8:43 pm

      Hi Paul, Is it true that most single women don’t want a relationship? Is it true that women just love to sleep around? I have a large community of women that I am in contact with in my business and there would only be a small percentage of women that would fit your description. Yes, I do think that some women drink too much as there are many men that do too. There are plenty of men who sleep around as there are women. Some people have committment issues, some don’t. This article is not outlining all men. This article is for women who are hooked to a man who does NOT want what she wants. This does happen quite often, that is until you meet someone who also wants what you want.

      Dating may not always be easy, though it’s worth it when you find the right person for you. I know it’s easy to see the negative side,dating can wear you down, I get that – though if you want to find love then a new perspective will help you find a special woman to commit to. My suggestion to all men and women is that you need to be 100% clear of the behaviours and traits of the type of person you want to have a relationship with and keep meeting people until you find a match. Digital dating gives you a plethora of women to connect with – so go forth with clarity and kindness in your heart. Focus on what you do want, not what you don’t want. Good luck. Wonderful women are out there for you.

  • Lindsay
    March 4, 2018 1:44 am

    I have been seeing this man since the beginning of June. When I first met him he told me hat he’d be leaving for Spain for 6 months but I continued meeting him anyways. In the two months he was here I fell for him even though he told me that a long distance relationship would not work for him. We kept in contact a bit while he was gone and I tried to move on and see other men.

    When he came back in January we made contact again and the feelings were still there for me. But I knew he’d be leaving again eventually. We spend a lot of time together about 3-4 days of the week and I enjoy my time when I’m there. But to be clear and to help me move on I asked what his intentions were with us. I said I was a bit confused as to how to move forward. I wasn’t trying to force him into a serious relationship. I just wanted him to honesty tell me how he felt so I didn’t continue to hope for a future relationship and continue waiting while he was gone. It’s the only way I saw this moving forward.

  • Lindsay
    March 4, 2018 1:45 am

    Like expected he said he likes me but cannot have a relationship or commitment. He’s back and forth, no real job or money and needs to sort out his life. And he hates when things get serious. And I understand this. He told me he was sorry and didn’t ever want to hurt me. He told me he wanted to keep the relationship how it is now. But also that I should make a choice. And to ditch him for someone better.

    The thing is I don’t feel like I’m wasting my time seeing him and even if it isn’t going to be more I’d like to see him until he leaves. The situation is similar to the summer and I was able to enjoy my time with him. But this time I will keep my heart open to other people as well. I do love him but understand we can’t have a relationship. He’s not that kind of man. And also I will leave this country in a year (I’m a teacher in South Korea and he lives here).

  • Lindsay
    March 4, 2018 1:45 am

    Do you think it’s a bad idea to continue to see him until he leaves in a few months even though I know it’s not serious? I’m not ready to walk away. But everyone seems to think I’ll be wasting these months when I should be moving on and dating others.

    • Nadine Piat
      March 4, 2018 2:12 am

      Hi Lindsay, Thank you for sharing your current situation. Here is the thing – you have to honor YOUR HEART. You can keep seeing him if you know in your heart that is the best thing to do, even if it’s not going to eventuate into anything. It’s great that you clarified how we was truly feeling, now you know that his want to be in a relationship has not changed since the very beginning. So when is the right time for you to say goodbye and let him go? What’s truly in your interest? What is going to add to your life?

      • Lindsay
        March 4, 2018 6:03 am

        Thank you for the response. My heart wants to continue to see him because I really enjoy our time together, it makes me happy and we have good chemistry. Maybe a causal relationship with a deadline doesn’t need to be such a bad thing. I have always been looking for a serious relationship but I will be leaving in a year and then traveling for another year and don’t know how practical a serious relationship even is. Whenever I meet someone I like I change all my plans for them and I’m afraid this would happen again. I know either way, if I say goodbye to this man now or in three months when he leaves that I will be sad. That’s just human emotion. But I’d like to think that even if it’s casual and a short time that it will be worth it.

        • Lindsay
          March 4, 2018 6:04 am

          The thing I am most worried about though is continuing to develop deeper feelings and having a difficult time when he does leave. When I could use these months to get over him. He has also told me he doesn’t want to hurt me and that I should find someone better than him.

        • Nadine Piat
          March 5, 2018 9:59 pm

          Hi Lindsay, he’s not available for what you want that’s pretty much the story. Whether you continue to see him until he leaves or not is up to you. I can’t tell you what to do, I can only support you to live in a way that is self-loving and honouring to you and your heart. When I spoke about your heart in my previous response I was referring to honouring your heart vs going with the yearnings of your heart. These are two differnet things. Yearnings of the heart may not be a clear indicator of what is effective/healthy for you. Your heart knows what’s causing pain and grief. If you want a relationship then find a man who wants this too. Maybe read my article again – it may help you make a decision. There is no wrong decision, there are decisions that support what you deeply value and truly want (ie. 100% commitment) and there are decisions that do not. Sending a big hug and the courage to be honest with your authentic self.

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