Why the state of your bank balance or your relationship with money could be linked to poor relationship choices, unhappiness and desperation.
Let me just say it right from the start — men and women often choose a partner and stay with a partner for different reasons, though in this day and age, it’s less about gender differences and more about individual preferences.
And as much as attraction is very personal, there are times when a person’s financial situation can determine one’s choice of romantic partner. You see, each and every one of us, act on our priorities in life, and priorities can greatly differ from one person to another.
For some people, mind-blowing sex is their top priority in a relationship. Another person would choose common interests or humour over a compatible physical connection. Some people value looks over money, while others will choose a fat bank balance and financial security in a partner over intellectual compatibility and emotional intimacy.
Typically, we develop these priorities from an early age. The circumstances in which we grow up in can have a defining role in what we think we need to feel safe in life and in a relationship (even if it is dysfunctional)
For example; if you come from a family where money was scarce and also the cause of many arguments between your parents, then you may well come to value money over compatible love. This happens, it happens often, and it’s not something that’s right or wrong, rather is it an effective strategy? Well, it might be, though chances are it’s not adding to the joy or happiness in your life in any significant way.
As I touched on no one’s priorities or preference in choice of partner should be labelled as right or wrong. Though if you want to experience a truly intimate and healthy relationship then there is such a thing as the wrong relationship for you. Staying in a relationship because of the money or choosing a man based on their financial wealth can be soul destroying and empty.
This not to say that it’s impossible to have both a wealthy man and true love? Of course not! But there is so much more to a relationship and life than money!
You see, when you focus on financial security alone when you worry overwhelmingly about your bank balance in the dating game, you may end up overlooking men who’d make you much happier than the one with the high-paying job, the fancy car, and the beach house. And let’s not forget that, though this is not always the case, usually the one with the money holds the power in a relationship.
Of course, if true intimacy and emotional happiness are low on your list of priorities, then a relationship based on financial security is fine. But if you, like most people, crave emotional connection, then money alone will not give you that. So, what do you do?
Well, it’s pretty simple: don’t rely on a man to be the provider. Turn yourself into your own provider. It’s not a far-fetched idea! All you need is to change the way you think about money and financial security. Sure, it’s a bonus is a man is well established, yet you don’t need this from a man, you’re able to provide this for yourself.
Money and relationships don’t need to be an “if then” story, “If you have the money, let’s have a relationship.” In fact, the smaller part money plays in your choice of a partner, the better — relationships where money is the main glue between the partners usually lead to chronic loneliness and frustration.
The world, Hollywood, and therapists’ and my own archives are full of sad stories in which a woman chose money over love, thinking material security was more important than a united and kind relationship. These stories seldom have happy endings unless the heroine of the story becomes empowered to step up and create the life she truly wants… and the man supports her and joins her on this journey.
Sure, having no money can be stressful too, and money is the no.1 cause of relationship problems. Either there isn’t enough, you’re being controlled or being controlling with money, someone is spending money they don’t have, etc.
The moral of the story, creating your own money and legacy allows you to marry for love and not convenience! Granted, no woman wants a poorpa or a perpetual dreamer, and people do lose money too, so it’s best to truly like the person you’re in a relationship with — someone you can weather the storms with, someone who’s WITH YOU all the way and has your back through thick and thin!
I would rather a good man with a decent job and financial responsibly than a man who’s all about his job and money.
Don’t wait for a man to buy you jewels, maybe it’s time to buy your own until you meet a man who truly makes your heart flutter.