Why your bank balance could be linked to relationship unhappiness or desperation…
Let me just say it right from the start. Men and women often choose a partner and stay with a partner for different reasons, though in this day and age, it’s less about gender differences and more about individual preferences.
It’s not always romantic love for everyone.
It’s not always great sex plus great conversation.
It’s not always about that “special feeling”.
All too often, a person’s financial situation can determine one’s choice of romantic partner. We all, each and every one of us, act on our priorities in life, and priorities can greatly differ from one person to another.
For some people, mind-blowing sex is their top priority in a relationship. Another person would choose common interests or humour over a compatible physical connection. Some people value looks over money, while others will choose a fat bank balance and financial security in a partner over intellectual compatibility and emotional intimacy.
Typically, we develop these priorities from an early age. The circumstances in which we grow up can have a defining role in what we think we need to feel safe in life and in a relationship (even if it’s dysfunctional)…
For example; if you come from a family where money was scarce and also the cause of many arguments between your parents, then you may well come to value money over compatible love. This happens, it happens often, and it’s not something that’s right or wrong, rather is it an effective strategy, it might be, though chances are it’s not making you happy.
No one’s priorities or preference in choice of partner should be labelled as right or wrong. Though if you want to experience a truly intimate and healthy relationship then there is such a thing as the wrong relationship for you. Staying in a relationship because of the money or choosing a man based on their perceived, self-proclaimed, not always legitimate wealth, can be soul destroying and empty.
This not to say that it’s impossible to have both a wealthy man and love? Of course not! But there is so much more to a relationship and life than money!
You see, when you focus on financial security alone when you worry overwhelmingly about your bank balance in the dating game, you may end up overlooking men who’d make you much happier than the one with the high-paying job, the fancy car, and the beach house. And let’s not forget that, though this is not always the case, usually the one with the money holds the power in a relationship.
Of course, if true intimacy and emotional happiness are low on your list of priorities, then a relationship based on financial security is fine. But if like most people, you probably crave emotional happiness and money alone can’t give you that. So, what’s to do?
Well, it’s pretty simple: don’t rely on a man to be the provider. Turn yourself into your own provider. It’s not a far-fetched idea, not in today’s world where there are so much more job opportunities than there were ever before. All you need is change the way you think about money and financial security. It’s not necessarily something that someone else will bring into your life. It’s something that you can accomplish on your own.
Money and relationships don’t need to be an “if then” story, “If you have the money, let’s have a relationship.” In fact, the smaller part money plays in your choice of a partner, the better — relationships where money is the main glue between the partners usually lead to chronic loneliness and frustration.
The world, Hollywood, and therapists’ and my own archives are full of sad stories in which a woman chose money over love, thinking material security was more important than real bonding. These stories seldom have happy endings unless the heroine of the story becomes empowered to step up and create the life she truly wants… and the man supports her and joins her on this journey.
Sure, having no money can be stressful too, and money is the no.1 issue in relationships. Either there isn’t enough, you’re being controlled or being controlling with money, someone is spending money they don’t have, etc.
The moral of the story, creating your own money and legacy allows you to marry for love and not convenience! Granted, no woman wants a poorer or a perpetual dreamer, though people lose money too, so it’s best to like the person you’re in a relationship with, someone you can weather the storms with, someone who’s WITH YOU all the way and has your back through thick and thin!
I would rather a good man with a decent job and financial responsibly than a man who’s all about his job and money.
Don’t wait for a man to buy you jewels, maybe it’s time to buy your own until you meet a man who truly makes your heart flutter.