In an age obsessed with the romantic ideal, most single people are searching for love and, not uncommonly, in all the wrong places. I know many women who devote invaluable years of their prime to men that are largely unsuited to them. And whether they go down the path of serial dating or long-term relationships, they often hit a dead-end road.
Alternatively, there are always those who put up with a man who “will do”. And even though the relationship isn’t inspiring or heart-connected, it’s “good enough”, it’s “okay”! But is a “will do” relationship really okay?
Despite all past failures, more and more people are looking for their true match, they crave and pursue compatible love. And yet, for some, no matter what they do, it seems so difficult to find or they still choose the incompatible!
In truth, an authentic love isn’t so hard to find. Difficulty only arises when you are unaware of or do not consistently honour your purest and most genuine desires and needs – a direct consequence of not knowing who you are and what you value.
Sadly, lacking self-knowledge often goes hand in hand with lacking self-love. And these two gaps in the self can severely injure your chances to attract your perfect man.
Still, do not get discouraged. I have a few tips in a store that will shorten your journey to discovering blissful companionship.
Here is how to shave years off your dating life and find true love.
Do you back yourself? Do you fight for you? Do you self-champion? I can’t emphasize enough how important this is. If I could compare true love to a culinary chef-d’œuvre, self-love is the prep phase. Most people doubt they are lovable in some way or in many, and, naturally, that belief manifests dysfunctional relationships or no relationships at all.Most people are not truly sure of what self-love is – which sees them living in constant state of dissatisfaction with themselves. The good news is, this is just a habit…of habitual beliefs that are working against you… and as any other can be kicked with some effort over time. Here are a few suggestions how to learn to appreciate yourself more.
– Quit self-criticism. We all want to be loved for who we are, and yet we fail greatly at accepting ourselves. Why expect another human being to appreciate us fully, while we crucify ourselves 24/7? Isn’t that the definition of a double standard? Once you gently and consistently silence that demanding critic in your head, inner peace follows and bliss ensues.
– Pay yourself compliments. Nothing hits the pause button on self-critique like praise, so be lavished with it. Congratulate yourself on your little mundane triumphs, like sorting that heap of laundry. Or finding that parking spot downtown. Life isn’t easy and you do so well at it! You deserve regular rounds of applause for simply going through each day.
– Follow your bliss. Discover what makes you feel fantastic, and stick with it. Moving your body exhilarates you? Then drop all feeble excuses and take up exercising with religious meticulousness. This will raise your feel-good vibrations and pave the road for more of what you want and value in your life. Maybe one of them will be that sexy kind stranger you are secretly hoping for.
- Shed All Limiting Beliefs About Men
Sometimes the main obstacle to meeting Prince Charming is that we don’t actually believe he exists. Instead, our heads are full of negative imprints about the opposite sex. Some may stem from past experiences, but the bulk of those are simply social conditionings that we “pick up” unconsciously. Here is one such example…
“The best men are taken, liars or cheaters.” We have heard these kinds of statements about men so often, that it has become like a mantra, perhaps a self-fulfilling prophecy.And yet there is only a speck of truth in it, simply because, not all men are like this, and don’t forget – women cheat and lie, too, and not all the best women are taken either! Right!
No matter what your sex is – all humans at times can be dishonest, confused and emotionally challenged, it’s part of being human in this world. It’s how you navigate your relationships and yourself that will make the difference here. Focus on the traits you value in a partner and look for them in the men you date. So, you can choose to believe in the an-bashing hoopla, or you can focus on the type of man you want – it’s up to you. What you focus on expands, therefore pick your thoughts wisely.
If I was single and looking for love I know what I’d be devoting my attention to. I would be thinking about all the wonderful men out there looking for healthy love. And you know what, there doesn’t have to be a whole army of them. You only need ONE such specimen to cross your path.
- Declutter Your Love Life
In Feng Shui philosophy removing all necessary items from your home, restores the free flow of energy and attracts health, wealth, and happiness. If we apply this principle in the romantic aspect, the effect should be as powerful. And by “declutter” I mean, get rid of everyone who isn’t the perfect man, because they block you from meeting HIM.
For instance, Mr. Wrong will never turn to Mr. Right.Period! In fact, Mr. Wrong is simply an addiction, so shake him off. It breaks my heart seeing people hooked to men who are just not healthy for them. But the truth is, if you are clinging to someone who treats you with lack of kindness and mindfulness, then there is a part of you that is not honouring yourself. Don’t blame the guy, take responsibility for your choices in life and reread the above paragraph on self-love.
- Don’t Overlook Mr. Right
When you’re wrapped up in Mr. Wrong you may not even notice Mr. Right, he might be invisible to you. Why? Because he doesn’t feel familiar. It’s easy to commit to a man who won’t form an attachment, especially if you fear commitment, too. And then invest a disgraceful amount of energy to convince yourself that he is right for you. Yet illusions are short-lived and sooner or later you will have to face your going nowhere relationship. So wise up to your heart, and maybe the guy that feels wrong is your Mr. Right.
- A Good Guy Feels Safe
When you’re with someone you trust the connection should feel largely harmonious, you should be able to truly rest in his arms and relax into him without fear or concern. Have you ever laid next to a man as if on borrowed time? Or felt that something was seriously missing? When you are with a man who also wants what you want, these doubts dissolve, and his affection feels like home. When you feel safe, then chances are you’re with a good man, you’ve found a sure thing, the salt of the earth. He is the kind of man you should be investing time in. Not the guy that has your heart fluttering for the wrong reasons – that’s not love, that’s anxiety!
Despite all appearances, true love does exist and is easy to find when you’re mind body and soul are truly ready for the best kind of love. The easiest way to attract healthy love is to know what healthy love feels like to you, then you’ll be sure to find it faster than you can imagine.
Don’t date from a random position – like you’re shooting an arrow into the air hoping that your cupid will just be where the arrow lands. Know what you want and what needs to feel safe in a relationship, then go for it and keep going until you find him.
You’re got this!
* Tell me how you attracted your man or let me know if any of the above points gave you some new ideas or insight. I want to know about you J Scroll down and comment below.
With Love ~ Nadine