There are tons of movies, TV shows, songs and books about the topic of revenge. It’s an intriguing idea that would, in theory, make you feel like you’ve given someone a taste of their own medicine. But even though the idea of seeking revenge can feel like you’ve redeemed a part of yourself that someone has damaged, once you really think about it, it may not be the best thing you can do for yourself and is more likely to hinder you chance of getting over a breakup.
Before you go on a roaring rampage or revenge against a an ex, a lover, a friend or just anyone whom you think deserves it, consider some of the reasons revenge will only end up making you feel worse.
Revenge is only temporary. The act of revenge may be well-planned and elaborate, but in the end it’s just a matter of making someone feel the way they made you feel. So, let’s say, you’ve done it and the act is complete. Now what? Did you become a better person? Did you triumph over evil? Did you solve a problem? At best, revenge only serves to make you feel good for a while, but in the end, you’ll still have to deal with whatever it is you’re seeking revenge for, whether it’s cheating, abuse, humiliation and so forth.
It can lead to a cycle. Ghandi once said, “An eye for an eye makes the world blind.” This is the perfect way to describe the cycle of revenge. Once you’ve gone and served revenge onto someone, what makes you think they won’t retaliate? And when they do, wouldn’t you want to seek revenge once more? In the end, you’re not dealing with a breakup, you’re just spending all this time and energy to put down someone when you could have been using all this effort to help yourself rise above the situation.
It prevents you from healing. Revenge doesn’t come from a place of love and healing. It comes from bitterness and hatred. You can be so consumed by hate and lust for revenge that you’ve hardened your heart against love and openness towards other people. If you would notice in revenge stories, the cold-heartedness of the one seeking revenge is always emphasized. This could be you! It’s so far away from being able to get over the event and accepting it as a bump in the road because while you’re even thinking of revenge, you’re still fixated on how someone has wronged you.
You’ll look crazy. No doubt that seeking revenge (especially something along the lines of obvious sabotage) would make you look like (and feel like) a nutcase. Whether it’s ranting about your ex’s bad habits, badmouthing an ex-friend or outright damaging someone’s property, you’re sure to attract the derisive gaze of those who are privy to your little revenge plot. Sure some people may applaud you for your guts, but more people would see you as that crazy person who doesn’t know how to manage her anger and move on gracefully.
Despite all these negatives about revenge, there is one form of “revenge” that can be considered healthy. Note the quotation marks on the word revenge because this isn’t conventionally seen as a truly vengeful act and quite frankly, I do not like the word revenge, yet how to deal with a breakup in the most successful way is by:
Being a better person and rising above the situation is the best form of revenge. People may do you wrong and make you feel like there’s no way back up, but this is simply not true! You can use your pain and turn it into a driving force that can help you improve who you are, improve your choice of partner and learn from the experience. The pain of being badly treated by another person can make you realize that you deserve better and that you can do something that will make you feel more worthy of respect.
You can forgive those who have hurt you and push them out of your mind as you focus on self-improvement. And if you’ve up for taking this to a higher level, I encourage you to wish the person that hurt you love. You do need to hate to move on. Choose love. You may never ever see them again, perhaps that’s the best thing, yet still send them love. Getting over a breakup is easy when you do it this way! Trust me. I know.
There’s a quote that says, “Forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them more.” Forgive them, move on from the hurt and pain. Don’t stoop down to their level by giving them a taste of their own medicine. The best kind of revenge is the one that makes people admire you for being able to find the courage to forgive, let go and move on.
~ Nadine Piat
P.S. Please tell me about your experience with revenge. How did you get over a breakup? Gosh who hasn’t thought about it or done something vengeful in some way?! Tell me below.