There are tons of articles out there that say you should never ever take your ex back because you’ll just be repeating a past mistake. Get over a breakup and move on! But then again, it’s also possible that another try is all you need to work out your differences and create a wonderful relationship.
I’ve personally not had success with going back, though, I know plenty of friends and clients who gave a relationship a second chance, and are now in a happy and healthy relationship. Some are now ever married, either way; the relationship breakup was the best thing that could of happened for them to prosper as a reunited couple. BUT, there’s a big difference between going back to and ex and prospering, versus, going back to relationship mayhem (or hell)!
On the flipside, people can fantasize about an ex or can think that there is no one else like them or more suited to them, even though they were miserable while with them. It’s this very way of thinking than can have you wasting months and years holding onto to something that will never satisfy you.
I’m an advocate for finding love. Not any kind of love. Intimate, lasting, connected, communicative, open and satisfying love, “healthy love”!
If you’re unsure whether a past relationship is worth salvaging and resurrecting then don’t worry, you’re not alone. Read on to find out if your ex deserves a second chance.
Consider giving it another shot if:
- The timing was off the first time. Maybe you were too busy with school, your career, family or other commitments, or you weren’t ready for anything serious back then. If the problems you faced back then are no longer a factor now, then a second try could turn out to be much more successful.
- You’ve both changed for the better. In the years after your relationship ended, a lot of things can happen to make you better persons. Whether it’s overcoming emotional issues or simply becoming more mature, these changes can increase the odds of a better relationship.
- He’s working hard to get you back. If he has sought you out despite unconquerable odds and has proven to you that he genuinely wants to work on your relationship this time, maybe this man deserves a second chance. Who knows, maybe it was your absence that showed him how much you truly mean to him.
- You still love him (YOU THINK). Letting your emotions get the better of you can often lead to unhealthy relationship consequences. But the heart wants what it wants. If you truly feel that he’s the one for you, and you can love no one else but him, then by all means, give it another try. But don’t say you weren’t warned! Sometimes we need to go back to “get it”. But do so with an open heart and EYES.
It’s game over if:
- He’s suddenly charming and sweet despite having no proper communication or closure to your relationship breakup. Did you go through a nasty split, but he’s now trying to sweep you off your feet? Are his intentions clear or does he perhaps have ulterior motives for trying to get you back? Has he communicated how he feels and what he wants? Someone sweeping you off your feet (whatever that means to you), can feel exciting and give you a sense of being loved and wanted, BUT can the two of you have a mature loving relationship? Consistent loving behaviour is what’s important and IS the proof-in-the-pudding, so to speak.
- He was abusive. Even if he claims to have gone through therapy and anger management programs, do you still want to take that risk? There’s always that possibility that your presence would reignite his old habits and he’ll revert back to his abusive self again! Part of getting over a breakup is learning, healing and growing. Someone who’s abusive rarely seeks the kind of professional support that allows them to get over a breakup in a proactive and self-loving kind of way.
- You’re just lonely. It’s tempting to go back to an ex if both of you just happen to be single when you’re feeling low. But you have to ask yourself if it’s really worth your time to go back to old routines that obviously didn’t work out the first time. Have you really healed from this relationship breakup? If you’re just trying to fill a void
- Nothing has changed. The things that made you break up are still there, whether they’re emotional issues like constant jealousy or physical factors like distance. If you broke up for these very reasons, then why would you go back to that same old situation? Unless you plan on accepting those factors or he plans on changing them soon, your relationship will inevitably go down a similar path.
Getting back together with an ex saves you time from getting to know a new person again. But along with the familiarity of an ex comes the problems you once faced. Besides, letting bygones be bygones doesn’t always mean you’re giving up. It can mean you’re saving your time and effort for someone more suited to you.