Have you ever felt as though you’re needy or that maybe you feel you need to stop being clingy when it comes to men?
As women, we often get confused or get mixed signals when it comes to knowing what’s good for our relationship and what’s not…
Some would say we should let our men be free to do what their heart desires, whereas others would be advocates of keeping him on a relatively short leash.
For those who do more of the latter, it’s possible to sometimes cross the boundary from being reasonably caring and present to being suffocating and clingy. If a relationship is healthy, where both parties are mindful and considerate, there should be no reason to feel the need to control or smother your man to get what you want.
It may be hard to self-diagnose whether or not you need to stop being clingy, but here are a few telltale signs:
- You get anxious if he doesn’t respond to your messages within 10 minutes – 2 hrs.
- You message him several times a day, even if he doesn’t respond.
- The ratio of his messages to your messages is 1:10.
- He asks for space at least once each month.
- You insist on bringing him along to nights out with your friends or you make a scene if he won’t let you come to a night out with his mates.
- You’re always scared that he might leave you.
- Your entire world basically revolves around him.
- You don’t make plans until you’ve found out what he’s up to.
- You’re tempted to look into his online accounts and his phone… Or you already have.
Do any of the above statements ring a bell? If that’s the case, try some of these tips and mindsets to help you to stop being clingy and so needy towards your man:
Aim for a 1:1 ratio when you’re messaging him. Do your best not to demand a response from him every couple of minutes, and try to patiently wait for him to respond on his own. For every message you send, wait for his response before sending another follow up message. Conversation after all does work both ways. Remember, he has a life to live and things to do, so he can’t be at your beck and call 24/7.
Get a hobby. The telltale sign of a clingy girlfriend is that she keeps her man at the center of her world. Not only is this unhealthy, but it also puts too much pressure on your guy to fulfill all your needs. To combat this, try to have a hobby that will keep you occupied during the times your boyfriend is unavailable. Going to the gym, enrolling in a class, blogging or doing some DIY projects are perfect examples of hobbies that also double as self-improvement techniques.
If you want to know something, ask him. It’s a huge breach of trust to go digging into his online account and through his messages. You can’t know every single thing about him. Instead, if there’s something you want to ask, just ask him outright and trust his answer. But if trust is the issue…
Build trust in your relationship. Trust is the foundation of your relationship, and without it, there’s will always be doubt and paranoia. If the reason you’re clingy is a previous episode of infidelity or a jealousy, it’s important that you and your boyfriend work on this first to get to the root of the problem.
Keep your expectations realistic and transparent. From the start, you must let your boyfriend know what you expect from him in terms of how many times you want to see him in a week or how often you want him to respond to you. However, you must also keep in mind that you can’t demand too much of a man who also has other things to do. Talk it over with him, compromise and agree on a setup that works for both of you.
Socialize with other people. Clingy girlfriends may sometimes find it hard to stop being clingy because they look for all their social interaction in the man they’re with. If you notice that this is the case, it’s a good idea to reach out to other people, whether they’re your office mates, old friends or relatives. Being with other people helps to open the mind to new concepts and perspectives, too.
And don’t always wait to make plans with friends until after you’re found out what he’s up to. Make them anyhow. Perhaps not all the time, yet from time to time, he’ll just have to fit in with you, as opposed to always fitting in with his schedule.
It may take some time to slowly loosen your grasp on the man you like or someone you’re in a relationship. But once you get the hang of it, it can potentially improve your relationship immensely!
No one likes to be with someone who’s needy, insecure and clingy, if you don’t like it, then why would he. This not about playing a game, this is about personal power and loving you. You’ll find that when you give someone space to breath they’ll come forward… if they don’t then perhaps it’s time to find someone more compatible.