He says, “He DOESN’T Want a Relationship” – What Does That Mean?

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Ladies listen carefully and never forget this…

When a man says he doesn’t want a relationship it means; HE DOES NOT WANT A RELATIONSHIP now or with you… SIMPLE

A man tells you more about who he is and what he wants in the first two weeks of knowing him than he probably will in the proceeding weeks.  And unfortunately most women do not listen and pay attention to these clear indicators.

To all the broken hearted women out there who fell for the unavailable man – cry if you need to, grieve the fantasy, and then quickly move on… to a special and powerful place of self-love and new love.

It’s time to really get this valuable love lesson, and not only for your emotional wellbeing, this lesson will astronomically move you closer to REAL love, the kind of love that feels really good!

NOT… good, bad, good, terrible, painful, good, painful… that’s not how love is supposed to feel.

he doesn t want a relationship

LOVE TIP:  PAY ATTENTION to how a man treats you and what he says, NOT what you WANT to hear or believe.

To make this all the more confusing; some men treat women well in general, even the women they sleep with yet don’t see a future with.  Most women assume that because he’s nice to her that he may want something more after all.

A good guy will tell you if he only wants something casual – what you do with that information is the difference between – frustration and hurt AND finding real commitment and love.

Women make a huge mistake by thinking one or more of the following:

  • He’ll change his mind once he spends more time with me
  • If the sex is good enough and I please him enough he’ll commit to me
  • He’ll be ready for a relationship soon and I’ll be right here, cause I’m kind of like his girlfriend anyway
  • He’s so nice to me it must mean he likes me

The moment a guy tells you he doesn’t want a relationship, although he likes you enough to hang out, BUT not interested in anything serious is the moment that defines all…

Why would a healthy minded, high value, gorgeous woman hang out with a man when he doesn’t want a relationship, WHEN SHE DOES?

Sometimes the guy really does like you although the timing is terrible, he’s just broken up with someone and/or still emotionally attached.  Some men won’t feel ready for commitment when certain areas of their life are not as they would like it to be, such as; not happy with his career, lost his job, not divorced yet, doesn’t feel as though he’s financial successful enough for something serious, etc.  It’s still the same thing – he doesn’t feel ready, therefore he’s not wanting a relationship right now.

Here are my tips for you:

  1. Thank him for being upfront and honest
  2. Decide if you want something casual or not
  3. If you’re open to something casual you must know that that’s what it is.  Casual. Nothing more.
  4. If not, be his friend only.  Do not sleep with him.  If he wants you in his life he needs to sort himself out.
  5. Have NO expectations.  He may never sort himself or be ready.
  6. Do NOT fantasize what it be like to be with him – he could be a terrible partner, so do not make up a story of how amazing he is.  You don’t know that.  Which leads to my next point…
  7. You have your own life and catch up with him when it suits you only, he is NOT your priority
  8. Date other men and do this properly, as your priority. Be OPEN to someone who’s ready for a relationship.
  9. If you cannot spend time with him without having a strong yearning to be with him, or deep down you’re hoping that he’ll change his mind, then don’t see him at all.  Women make a good habit or torturing themselves.  Do not see him.  Move on. You have to trust that if he’s right for you, he will sort himself out and pursue you.  Hanging on like a bad smell doesn’t give him space to sort himself out.  You’ll still there HANGING ON to whatever he’ll give you.

The man worth your time is a man you will feel good around, safe, secure and appreciated.

A man who’s interested in a relationship with you will:

  • Be happy to wait a while before having sex
  • Wants to see you during the day, not just at night (or not just for a quickie)
  • You may not have sex every time you see him (it’s not all about sex)
  • He will want to see you on Friday and/or Saturday nights  (before 9pm!)
  • After a few months he wants you to meet his friends and family
  • He’ll talk about what you can do together in the future
  • He’ll introduce you as his girlfriend (not as a “friend”)

So to all of the wonderful women who have fallen for Mr. Non-Commital, the lesson is – Listen and hear what he has said, pay attention to his actions, and when you know something isn’t feeling quite right then it probably isn’t.

Be strong enough to walk away from someone who doesn’t want the same things as you, and do so earlier rather than later.

You’re better off single and available for the right guy, not the guy who you want to be the right guy.

Nadine x

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Comments

  1. Profile photo of Sonia M.

    Sonia M.

    May 22, 2013

    Oh, I agree. How many of us have fantasized a fairy tale looking for a knight and shining armor. because of this fantasy we tend to close their mind trying hoping that their men will change their mind and will love them all the way if they will show them their love and give their all though in reality their men never commit to them and just want their company for their physical needs, then in the end they have to experience devastation first before they realized they will never get what they desire to have with the man they love. It’s only later in life that I have found this out and now it might be too late, well, I believe it isn’t too late, but I do think about the opportunities that I might have missed along the way because I was being too fussy.

  2. Profile photo of Rachel

    Rachel

    June 18, 2013

    This applies to women also. I have given myself one year from my divorce before I begin looking for a relationship. The few dates I’ve accepted, the men don’t believe ME when I say I don’t want a relationship. I kindly explain I’m healing myself, studying where I went wrong and how to improve myself before moving onto a relationship. I’m clear and upfront with them when accepting the date so there is no surprise but they too don’t listen. I think this is human nature.

    Saludos

  3. Profile photo of Jasmine Ava

    Jasmine Ava

    July 5, 2013

    That’ true Nadine. If he is not ready for a relationship or is not there for you, then he is not worthy your time and doesn’t deserve you. Make an informed decision as a woman and get on quickly because you have other things to do. On the way, you will meet the person who deserves your heart. l do believe deeply in my heart that God has chosen a right pair for each and everyone of us.

  4. Profile photo of Emily Sienna

    Emily Sienna

    July 9, 2013

    Hi Nadine,

    Precisely put, if he doesn’t want a relationship with you, then he isn’t into you and you should leave him alone and move on, one day you will meet that person who deserves your heart.’Please don’t waste your precious time revolving around him and expecting him to change, if not now he won’t change in the foreseeable future.

  5. Profile photo of Julie Parra

    Julie Parra

    October 9, 2013

    This is such a well put article! I completely agree. Us women fantasize way too much. And like many, I make myself believe that if I stick around anyway knowing that he doesn’t want a relationship, and I spend time with him he will get used to me and want to be in a relationship. However, this is a terrible idea because it only makes us get more attached and it’s so much harder to move on.

    • Profile photo of Nadine Piat

      Nadine Piat

      December 10, 2013

      Julie thank you and you’re so right… emotionally attaching ourselves to an unavailable man is crazy and painful… it doesn’t feel safe, it doesn’t feel fulfilling… it feels like somethin’ and nothin’ all mixed together…

      And it is “somethin'”… it’s a casual relationship… it’s a going nowhere connection… so it’s “nothin'”

      Very few of these types of connections evolve into something more. I have seen it happen although most often both people were very clear that it was casual… neither one wanted anything more at that time and over time it became something serious. Both people were on the same page!

  6. Profile photo of Christalyn Pagente

    Christalyn Pagente

    October 18, 2013

    Yes, this is much very true. Girls tend not to listen and like to hear what she wanted to hear and it usually hurts her. It’s always been this way, that’s why women always think they get broken heart. We assume too much. It’s now time to listen then move on.

  7. Profile photo of Raven

    Raven

    December 15, 2013

    You know what Nadine? I think that women are masochists.

    And maybe not totally a woman’s fault she is one. My theory is that society has depicted women as long-suffering, resilient, the person responsible in ensuring that all pieces of the puzzle gel together. Another trait that society has imposed upon women to picture her as someone desirable is that she should be patient and kind…can do pretzel-like positions when it comes to sex, knit sweaters, a great cook, carry the baby on her right while she irons clothes with her left. And if she has an extra arm, give her lover a sensual massage and coo sweet words in his ears. :D

    Seriously, at the very heart of her heart, I think a woman knows what the real deal is. It is the sad denial of the real truth and believing in what she thought she wants to happen that makes it complicated for most women to step out of a relationship that is obviously going nowhere.
    I think women are so enamoured with the idea of ‘happily ever after’ and anyone resembling a knight with armour even if it is a rusty one is a potential Prince Charming.

    So despite the obvious and having to suffer from pain and low self-esteem, women tend to turn a blind eye . And at night when all the lights are out and everything is still she would perhaps say a softly spoken prayer that tomorrow is a new day; that tomorrow brings hope and promise…Maybe tomorrow will bring changes.

    I know I am a bit sarcastic but I find this the harsh truth. How many times have women faced situations when she is not happy, when her security is threatened, when her worth as a person is being demolished? And in each situation how many women ran for dear life at the very first sign?

    So I think despite knowing it’s time to move on, women would often times stall, hesitate…until she finds herself in a rut too difficult for her to escape…

    On the other side of the spectrum – the female sex is the most courageous. Because just when everyone thinks that she is sucked down the drain, she rises and fights back.

    I like what Nadine said – “Be strong enough to walk away from someone who isn’t wanting the same things as you, and do so earlier rather than later…You’re better off single and available for the right guy, not the guy who you want to be the right guy.”

  8. Profile photo of CINDY ANDREWS

    CINDY ANDREWS

    January 17, 2014

    I am really short of words, can’t finally believe i got my boyfriend back this is my testimony about the man that brought back my man Nadine, she gave me the heart and confident to trust in him within the period of 3 days right now we are living happily and getting very ready and set for our wedding, i am so much happy knowing full well there are real, true spell casters who can really make things happen within the shortest possible time.

  9. Profile photo of Nisha Polk

    Nisha Polk

    April 8, 2014

    Wow, this article is so on point!! I wish I would of seen it several months ago, it would of saved me a lot of heart ache!!

  10. Profile photo of Arienne Nair

    Arienne Nair

    December 17, 2014

    I today ended a situation with a man-boy (he’s in his 40’s) who was very clear that he didn’t want a relationship and yet he kept acting as if he did. Its been going on since October. It wasn’t until today that I had the strength to actually end it and cut off all contact. We were talking nearly everyday and became close or so I thought. It was my fault for not taking what he said in the beginning seriously when he said he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with anyone. I cannot just be friends after all this so I decided to cut off all contact. His response was interesting, when I told he that I was blocking him his response was that’s pretty extreme. Extreme! The idea that I would hang around waiting was laughable.

    • Profile photo of Nadine Piat

      Nadine Piat

      January 3, 2015

      Hi Arienne, How are you going since you wrote your posts? Are you still keeping away from the man who didn’t want a relationship? It’s so important to have healthy boundaries and if he really wants something more serious and committed, he’ll turn things around and want to date you and on your turns. Most importantly you must not go against your boundaries, otherwise he won’t respect them. Also, please don’t take his actions/choices personally, stay true to you, believe in you and you will experience the love you truly desire.

      Also, please don’t beat yourself up over it. It’s okay. You’ve learnt something valuable along the way. You now know what it feels like and you have more of an idea how to navigate this situation if something like this happens again.

  11. Profile photo of Arienne Nair

    Arienne Nair

    December 17, 2014

    Sorry for all the typo’s. Nadine, you and Raven and Christine are so very on point on the matter. It is still painful but this is all my doing so I have no one to blame but myself.

  12. Profile photo of Denise

    Denise

    January 24, 2015

    I’m glad I stumbled onto this article. I’m facing this situation and it pains me everyday. He doesn’t want a relationship, just sex. I’d love to make it casual with him but this making love but not being in a relationship thing is driving me nuts. I feel sexually attracted to someone if I like him as well, but I can’t seem to separate love and sex.

    A huge part of me wants to carry on with him. I cannot bring myself to stop all contact with him and move on.

    • Profile photo of Nadine Piat

      Nadine Piat

      January 28, 2015

      Hi Denise, You’re not the only woman who finds it difficult to separate love and sex. There are plenty of men who aren’t so good at this either, particularly men over 30 or 35. Sometimes when a woman walks away form a sexual relationship the other person can decide that they do want MORE than just sex with them, though to be honest that’s rare. If you want love then love you’ve got to love you more than you want him to love you. Does that make sense?

      While your spending time with this guy, hoping that he’ll finally come around and see how amazing you are, you’re hurting your chance of finding REAL LOVE. I recently wrote a book about woman and orgasmic pleasure and in one part of the book I share about how strongly linked female pleasure is to feeling safe and secure with our partner/lover. If we don’t feel emotionally supported, or if we want more and a man’s not giving this to us, then it stops sex from feeling really, really good (we can feel worse).

      I hope that you have the courage to be honest with yourself and to authentic in what you truly want (and deserve).

  13. Profile photo of Brenda Bee

    Brenda Bee

    February 16, 2015

    Thank You Nadine. I was having a hard time dealing with exactly what this article was about. I’ve made it pretty clear to the guy I am seeing that I wanted more than hair sex. He said “he wasn’t trying to rush things.” He’s 30 yrs old and hasn’t had a gf for 6 yrs. In my mind I’m thinking that we talk everyday, we are intimate, we hang out…it’s basically a relationship! He then told me recently “he wasn’t ready for a relationship. That he still wanted to get to know me because I was a great girl with great qualities. That if I wanted to cut the sex out that we could.” He also throws me off by saying “we are making love”, “I love you when we are making love.” But thanks to your article I feel I know what I have to do now.

    • Profile photo of Nadine Piat

      Nadine Piat

      February 21, 2015

      Hi Brenda,

      Sorry, if the article was not clear to you. Please let me why it was confusing. In the article I do say that this situation can be confusing because some guys are really nice and loving.

      Your guy has said that he’s not looking for a relationship – you are though, with him. He’s not on the same page, he’s confused… so you are the one who cannot be confused. Someone has to break the confusing cycle. Whatever you do do it with grace and clarity… from a self-loving place.

      He could love you and still be confused about what he wants. That’s still not a healthy place for you to be in and while you’re there taking whatever he will give you he doesn’t have to step up.

      What would you tell a good friend to do?

      If you do draw a line in the sand be prepared for him to start wanting you more… it’s human nature and it’s not just men who do this. Know that this does not mean that he wants MORE or a relationship with you. If he does come back then date, take your time, no sex – not until it feels like there is real commitment, not until it feels CONSISTENTLY different.

      Much Love,
      Nadine

  14. Profile photo of Katherine

    Katherine

    March 1, 2015

    I’ve been dating a guy off and on for a year. We broke up in October when we both weren’t sure where it was going. He is from England and here on a work visa and is now a permanent resident but has just not been sure if he’s moving back to England. We decided to break up because we just weren’t sure how we felt and we were both holding back because we’ve both been scorched in past relationships. I had been dating other people over the summer and stopped dating others around August or September when I realized I just wanted to be with him. But he didn’t feel that he could commit to a relationship because he was confused about the country thing so we decided to end it before we got into deep.

    Fast forward to November and we started hanging out again and we realized we just wanted to be in the moment with each other and we both realized the repercussions of dating someone who wasn’t the same nationality. I assumed when we started up again we realized that we meant something to each other more than we had realized before.

    Things have been going great and we’re getting closer but I have just been thrown for a loop again when now he says he doesn’t want to be in a relationship and that he wants his freedom… and he didn’t mention anything about the country. But he did agree to be exclusive with me. He just feels uncomfortable saying it’s a relationship. We talk every day and see each other a few times a week and he wants to take a trip when its warmer. It’s very confusing and I don’t know if this is just him freaking out because he has abandonment issues. Which he does his dad was not really around much growing up and he’s had a bad childhood. But something doesn’t feel right. we have a great time together and have a lot of laughs and we both care about each other quite a bit.

    I don’t know if it’s worth waiting to see if he starts feeling better here in the states or really if it’s not about that at all and more that he just doesn’t want a relationship with ME. he dated an American girl right before me and they had a nasty break up when he realized it was getting serious and he broke up with her because he didn’t know if he was staying or not. But he often refers to her as his ex-girlfriend. I don’t know why he would feel comfortable saying that he was in a relationship with her and not with me.

    • Profile photo of Nadine Piat

      Nadine Piat

      March 1, 2015

      Hi Katherine.

      Thank you for writing…

      To answer your concerns: Fortunately he’s telling you where he’s at, and at the same time it’s unfortunate for you as this is not what you want :(

      So you need to check in with your core values and get very clear about what you want.

      It seems you have 4 obvious options.

      1. Thank him for his honesty and end it, which will allow you to meet someone who’s ready for love and commitment.
      2. Thank him for his honesty and be his exclusive sex buddy with NO commitment.
      3. Thank him for his honesty, still be physically involved, and date other men too.
      4. Thank him for his honesty and remain friends with no sex, just friends (NO MATTER WHAT)

      If you’re being honest with yourself about what you really want you’ll then be able to make a clear and self-loving decision about what’s right for you.

      No games. Be authentic.

      Whatever you do, do it gracefully, from your heart.

      Big hugs.

      Love,
      Nadine

  15. Profile photo of Thao

    Thao

    March 5, 2015

    Hi Nadine.

    I am currently in a tough situation right now. I was in a relationship for 3 1/2 years and this friend of mine decided to kiss me one night ( my ex and i lived together but we were always on and off and i wasnt happy). Moving foward, this friend of mine was head over heels for me. and my feeling for him started growing ( i wasnt attractive to him at first at all, i know him for years already). I broke up with my ex after this past semester. I started seeing this friend of mine more. He lives about an hour away so we would take turn to see each other. I admitted it, i got needy and always make plan time to see him. We got into a couple arguement, he said he wanted to take a break and i said ” no, either you are with me or you are not”. About a month ago, i asked him about us what should we do. should make it official and he said what ever you want. so like that we became bf and gf. Thing got little weird, especially when we werent in the the same city. He doesnt talk as much as on the phone. One night on the phone i realized how quiet he got and i asked him. he said he wants me , likes me alot but he doesnt want a gf right now. This is right before he left for another country to 3 weeks”. But then the next day he acted all nice like nothing happened so i thought we were fine when he left for vn. But deep down i know it wasnt okay. He still called and talked to me alot when he was in vn. The last couple day when he was there i didnt hear from him so i got mad at him and hung up on him ( he never called me back). The day he came back, he was really short with him until he got home and saw that i left him a valentine present. He drove down to see me the same day.
    Moving forward, i came down to see him this past weekend. He got me flowers and a gift card to sephora and everything was great. I saw a missed call and missed facetime from a girl name K and i asked him who is she and she said she is a friend. So i dropped it but deep down i wasnt okay with that answer. So tuesday morning i was on the phone with him and i said ” i have something to ask you, its kinda bother me and i dont want to explode on him when we get into a fight. ” why did ly tried to facetime you?” He got super quiet and said really? In the end he said he doesnt know if he wants a gf right now. He doesnt want to answer to anyone right now. He feels like its becoming a chore to see me and that he has to see me every weekend. I asked him what does he want? he said he doesnt know. I was crushed cause i do like this guy a lot. So i told him” im not doing this. I refuse to be your side chick and you can just leave me alone from now on” It took a lot of courage because i do want to be with him but i need him to want to be with me also. I miss him a a lot but i am trying to be strong to move on. I blocked him from everything. Am i doing the right thing?

    • Profile photo of Nadine Piat

      Nadine Piat

      March 6, 2015

      Hi Thao,

      Of course you made the best decision for you at the time. It’s not right or wrong.

      It seems to me that you couldn’t bare to be in a state of unknown with him, which had you making a rash decision.

      It sounds to me that for much of the relationship your were leading. You would instigate many of the plans, making sure you’d see each other. It doesn’t seem that you gave him space and time to come to you, which in turn makes a man feel suffocated.

      It sounds to me that he did legitimately care for you, though perhaps you gt too needy and too doormat like. Instead of you relaxing and accessing how you really feel, you tended to be more reactive, which after a while will make anyone want to withdraw.

      Hanging up on people is about control. It sounds to me that you were blaming him a lot and making him wrong instead of communicating how you really felt deep down. Good men value and respect reasonable boundaries, perhaps you skipped this and went straight for demands?

      I don’t know if this man is nice guy or not, I know know him. I also don’t know if he’s with another woman or not. Either way take this experience and make it work for you.

      Find out why you get so fearful and insecure. Try to understand why you tend to try and control everything.

      What ever happens you will be able to use this knowledge to help you with your future relationships, be it with this guy or another one.

      Men like freedom and when you give it to them they tend to need it so much.

      I hope that helps.

      Nadine

  16. Profile photo of Thao

    Thao

    March 6, 2015

    Thank you so much for your advices.
    I guess i am a control freak but if i want to be with this guy i cant do that. so what should I do now? i know i have to work on myself and stop being needy and act like i dont care sometime. The ball is in his court isnt it? I obviously cant contact him nor i could since i blocked him.

  17. Profile photo of SoInsecure

    SoInsecure

    March 15, 2015

    Thank you Nadine for this straight, simple and eye-opening article.
    I met this guy online in Dec. last year and fell for him after 2 weeks of chatting with him. He was so wonderful and something about him and his words touched my core. But sadly, I didn’t just fall I became obsessed with him! And I am someone who doesn’t give a guy a chance so easily. But I didn’t have much going on for myself then, no work, no friends. But I am certain that what I felt for him didn’t come from a place of desperation. I was just determined to find someone and I projected. When he asked me out I developed cold feet and didn’t meet him. Then he moved to another country for work. We remained in touch, with me initiating contact mostly. He was cool with me doing so or not, but always responded. We fought twice and I always went back to talking to him. In essence I pursued him more not wanting our initial chemistry/connection to go to waste.
    This Feb. he came back to my city and told me so. He never made a move or asked me out but just told me, probably he knew that I am obsessive and impulsive and unhinged by him, so he just put the ball in my court and waited. After 2 weeks I suggested that we go out. He came to meet me promptly on a notice of just a few hours. All this kept giving me hope that he liked me too! The third time we met he kissed me in the sweetest possible manner. But soon after that he told me that his parents do not allow him to have a relationship with a woman from another religion/community and he wasn’t allowed to marry his previous girlfriend for the same reason. We belonged to different religions. He’s an excellent storyteller and built up his story really well. I don’t know how much of it was fact and how much was exaggerated or fiction. But what I know was that he was giving me enough reason to walk away by saying that he can’t/won’t be in a relationship with me. And I didn’t. Instead I made all the mistakes you mentioned in your article. I made out with him, slept with him, kept meeting him, all in the hope of changing his mind. I lost myself in trying to be the woman that he might fall in love with. I showed him that I care for him. In return he put min. effort from his end and prioritized sex above all. Aah! I didn’t even know I was this much of a masochist.
    Since the last 2 weeks I have stopped contacting him. Now he’s getting curious/restless. He messages me asking why i’ve been distant lately and that he misses me a bit. He’s a good guy. It was my ego that couldn’t accept that he doesn’t want me for a relationship. Now I don’t know what to do. I definitely want a relationship, not just something casual. He has never done/said anything to hurt, offend or disrespect me and now i don’t want to simple disappear on him after showing keenness for over 3 months. Should I simply tell him that this isn’t working for me? Or should I tell him that I want a serious committed relationship? Or just let things fizzle out on their own by not contacting him? Although that would seem lame. But I don’t want to compromise on my needs anymore. I know that I need to work on my self-esteem and get my life together. Otherwise I’ll keep messing up in relationships.
    I could really use some help here.
    TIA.

  18. Profile photo of Flcity

    Flcity

    March 16, 2015

    Hi Nadine

    This is such a great article. I also found myself in this situation. Although the person I fell for said he didn’t want a relationship early on, I chose to stay. Even after I’d already walked away. In my case, he’d call me everyday, he’d help me when I needed to make important decisions and I was his support when he needed support. We’d see each other weekly up until August when he told me he kissed another. I was devastated…after, we decided not to communicate as it wasn’t fair to myself or fair to him. He said he wasn’t ready to commit to anyone, not just me. He didn’t want to feel obligated to do things and didn’t want to have to answer or explain to anyone. We reconnected and after we just saw each other maybe once a month. The last time I saw him was in December, but we still talked everyday, multiple times a day. He’d call me first thing in the morning on the weekends. He knew how I felt about him early on. He knew what I wanted from the beginning.

    It got to a point where I’d worry and drive myself crazy thinking he was with someone if he didn’t call or if he didn’t pick up my call. I had to do something. We broke communication again two weeks ago. I miss him. Even though we weren’t spending time with each other, I miss him. But do I miss the thought of him? Do I miss what I thought could have been? Do I miss the fantasy and thought of being in a relationship with him?

    It’s such a unfortunate situation to be in.

    • Profile photo of Nadine Piat

      Nadine Piat

      March 16, 2015

      Hi Flcity,

      I know it hurts so much, and at the same time this experience for you is a very beautiful and powerful life and love lesson.

      That moment when someone says that they don’t want what you want, our hearts can drop, though attachment and fantasy may have already set in and instead of walking away we think that we can change them or perhaps we believe that what they have to offer is ENOUGH (when WE KNOW deep down it’s not).

      Instead of yearning for him, do you think you can focus on healing and embracing the important lesson that wants to be seen?

      I think we can miss the idea of someone. If you’ve never really felt emotionally safe with this person then perhaps you’re not missing him, you may be grieving another “going nowhere” connection. You may be taking his choices personally. You might even be angry with yourself.

      Forgiving ourselves is the most important step. You did the best you could with the knowledge you had at them time. Now you have new information and awareness which will support you in the future.

      Be kind and loving to you and know that you deserve an emotionally and physically intimate relationship with a man who wants to commit to you.

      Keep your heart open and take your time to get to know someone, and of course pay attention to what they say they want and believe them.

      Much Love,
      Nadine

  19. Profile photo of Jalisa

    Jalisa

    March 24, 2015

    I’m having the same issue.
    I been dating this guy for almost a year now and in the beginning he was saying all the things i wanted to hear and i ask him was he trying to be in a relationship and his words was not yet time will tell. So we continued as friends and eventually we had sex and on going sex and became close,i was his support system through all his issues and he was there for me. Then recently we got into a argument because he said i was being emotional and that i knew he didn’t want a relationship and he was wrong for being misleading but can we have what we have without the emotions. He was us to love and care for each other but he can’t deal with me being emotional. He doesn’t want to let go of me either. I know i should probably just walk away from him but why is it so hard. I know he has alot going on in his life and i mean alot but is it that bad to where he doesn’t want a woman by his side? Is it

  20. Profile photo of porsh

    porsh

    March 27, 2015

    I’m going thru this to a certain degree. I haven’t been in a relationship for years by choice.I’m in my mid 20s so I haven’t been looking for anything serious. So when me and my guy met, saying we were gonna keep things causal was no big deal. But he is the affectionate one and he’s introduced me to his family (I haven’t introduced him to mine tho). Yet when I bring this up he’s still saying he doesn’t want a relationship. This isn’t just a booty call thing either. We’ve gone everywhere together. Day/night. We spend most of our free time together so it’s becoming strange for me. I don’t want to lose the friend he has become or the intimate times we share. But he’s making me questions my own standing! I date casually all the time (that’s y I’ve been single about 3 yrs) so I’m just in a difficult situation right now.I do have feelings for him (not love) so Idk what to do????

  21. Profile photo of

    Anne

    April 16, 2015

    Thank you for such poignant advice! I met a man online last November and went on 5 dates with him over the next 3 months. We had a great time when we saw each other and more than that really connected when we talked with each other over the phone or via text between dates. Although I was developing feelings for him, I soon found out that last October he had just got out of back to back relationships spanning 8 years and as such was not ready for a relationship with me at the moment. He liked me and thought maybe we could be in a relationship in the distant future. I tried to take a break but he kept contacting me which I was glad because I actually missed him. I tried so hard to see him as only a friend in every contact we had. I have to admit though it was really great to have him around when my dad was diagnosed with cancer and I needed support. We met up 3 times as friends. Although we had a great time, the last time we met was difficult because I realized I couldn’t still be friends since I still had feelings for him and hoped he had feelings for me too. I emailed him how I felt and asked for a break. He texted me if we could discuss over the phone and I told him I wanted to be left alone right now. And he said I sounded really down and that he’ll leave me alone. I haven’t heard from him and I wonder if I did the right thing with not speaking to him over the phone. And more importantly how do I move on without thinking of him or comparing other guys to him?

  22. Profile photo of Shannon

    Shannon

    May 4, 2015

    This article is everything I had been looking for. I met an amazing guy back in December and things started off very well. He kept in contact, planned dates, kept his word, etc. I never had to worry when I’d hear from him or when I’d see him, I knew he was interested. He was consistent, which was a great surprise, since many men aren’t. Fast forward to New Years Eve. It was 4am and he didn’t want to stay over. He instead chose to drive 30 minutes home in crappy weather. This was the first and only red flag I needed. After this, I initiated the inevitable “So what are we doing here?” conversation. He then told me he was planning on moving to a different state and didn’t want to start anything “serious” and then ruin it all by moving away. After that, I was a wreck. We decide to stay friends. We continued to hang out and text all the time; it was as if nothing had changed, which was such a dangerous place to be. Fast forward a month or so, and he tells me his last serious relationship really messed him up. He was still guarded and the whole “moving away” bit was just him trying to slow this whole thing down. He said he didn’t want to date anyone or have anyone hurt him right now. At that point I tried dating other men. I knew it was time to put myself out there but no one else compared and I didn’t connect to anyone like I did with this man. I figured it was best to just be single. I still talk to this man almost everyday but he hasn’t made time to hang out in quite some time, even though he says he will. This article was the push I needed to move on, which is difficult, as we have become such good friends now. However, I ultimately know I do want something more from him but I can’t keep wishful thinking, hoping one day he’ll change his mind. This is a terrible place to be with someone and I don’t wish it on anyone.

    • Profile photo of Nadine Piat

      Nadine Piat

      May 5, 2015

      Hi Shannon,

      So sorry to hear what you’re going through! I know it’s hard, though think about how much better you’ll feel in time, knowing that you were honest with you and authentic to your core values.

      The strange thing is – while he’s so fearful of getting hurt, you’re feeling hurt! What’s happening is emotionally unhealthy. Does he know how painful this if for you?

      Right now he’s getting the benefits of; emotional support, appreciation and validation on a daily basis with you, yet no commitment. He’s a very lucky man, while every other guy you meet you compare them to him. I know how easy this is to do, though try to break that habit.

      Friends is a good thing, though most friends don’t speak every day. I have wonderful relationships with a few of my ex’s and even though I may speak to them most weeks (not always), there is no hidden agenda.

      Shannon, whatever you do in this situation must be authentic to you and self-loving. When we’re unhappy or emotional we’re normally having a TUG of War with ourselves – this dis-ease is more about ourselves than the other person. Clear and graceful boundaries are freeing and liberating and he will respect this (even if he doesn’t like it).

      No matter what you do and how you do it, it’s important to do what you do WITHOUT trying to get a certain outcome or reaction from him.

      Live your life. Have some fun with friends and life. Think about all of the great stuff you can do with all of that extra energy you’re going to have!

      Much love,
      Nadine x

  23. Profile photo of Fiona Carol

    Fiona Carol

    May 13, 2015

    Dear Nadine, thank you for your encouraging article..
    I’m now in a very difficult situation. I’ve been dating with a guy for 4 months, and we see each other almost everyday, and we do sex as well. . in the very beginning he said, don’t wanna have relation ship with anybody, and he said he doesn’t believe in relation ship. Better has friendship first who could be a long lasting one than a relation ship.
    I tottaly understand what he wants. And told to myself not to expect anything from him. Days gone..and we become more close..and I feel that he has some feelings for me, that he could stay away from me, and wanna see me everyday..even he asked me to move in together. I thought he started to falling in love with me.
    but when we have an argue some days ago, about him being not so care about me..he said, we are not a couple right!!?
    That day I was so shocked, and asking him what he wants.. he said dont want a relationship, and just friendship and lets see what happen…told me not to think about the future..just live today…
    I do feel its not fair for me, and Ive already told him that I want a real relationship.
    He still wanna see me in the day after…llike nothing happen… everytime I bring the discussion he just avoid it.

    what should I do? Is 4 months too soon to asking this guy for a relationship?

    Thank you Nadine

  24. Profile photo of Scarlett

    Scarlett

    May 31, 2015

    This article is exactly what I needed. I have been friends with the guy for about 10 years. It was never anything more than flirting, when we saw each. He was married when we first met, last year in March they filed for divorce and he wanted to start hanging out so we did. We had sex kka few times then we just stopped talking. He would call me every now and then and I wouldnt really give him the time of day. Until he called me Easter weekend. We have talked all day everyday since then. He told me in the beginning he didn’t want a relationship right now, had been dating a girl for about 6 months and it ended badly, so of course I told him I understood. We were hanging out 2-3 times a week, and we didn’t have sex every time we saw each other. One night we were hanging out and he tells me “I can see myself marrying you one day” and told me we were making love and this confused me even more. In the last 2 weeks he has stopped really hanging out with me but wanted me to continue to talk to him all day, give him advise on everything from money to making decisions and be there to support him. However, yesterday I just told him that I could no longer be just a friend..he could either be in a relationship with me or he needed to delete my number he was still pushing for a friendship and I told him there are to many emotions involved and pretty much left it at that. Well later last night he sent me a txt asking me to please talk to him which I old him there was nothing else to say and when/if he wanted to give us a try to call me. I am so lost without talking to him but I know this is the best thing I can do for myself but I feel like I have lost one of my best friends. This is one of the worest things I have ever had to do.

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