Have you ever caught yourself having an internal boxing match? You know what I mean, those moments when instead of lifting yourself up and believing in yourself, you have unkind thoughts about who you, or who you should be!
For example; Maybe the man you like isn’t giving you the attention you want, and instead of remaining confident and unaffected, you start thinking that you’re the issue.
Or maybe you think your thighs are not slim enough, perhaps you look into the mirror and you only see flaws.
Or maybe whenever you’re out you feel as though you’re never the one that gets attention and you worry if there’s something about you that people don’t like.
Or perhaps you’re a people pleaser with no boundaries.
Maybe you stay in relationships that bring you more grief than joy, which sees you giving more than you receive.
If any of these examples striked a chord, then perhaps you’re missing the ability to self-champion – to be your own cheerleader, to self-validate, self-soothe and simply… BACK YOURSELF?
While it is nice to know that you’re liked and approved of by others, these things should not be what makes or breaks you. If you want a happy life and a healthy relationship, you must learn to self-champion.
What is Self-Championing?
Self-championing is one’s ability to “root for themselves”. Someone who has the ability to self-champion does not require the validation of others to be proud of who they are and what they have accomplished. They know their worth, and this is not tied to how much money they make, what others think of them, who does or doesn’t like them, or what their upbringing was like. Their worth comes from knowing that they are unique and they stand confidently in this belief.
Self-Championing is the Key to Healthy Relationships
Let’s face it. If you do not think highly of yourself, how can you expect someone you’re in a relationship with to think highly of you? It is imperative in any relationship to believe in yourself, love yourself, have self-love, and self-worth.
When you have this ability to self-champion, the weight is removed from yourself and those you’re in a relationship with. You relieve a burden from yourself in that you’re no longer bending to the will of others just to be liked, while those you build relationships with don’t have the added responsibility of trying to get you to believe in yourself. If you’ve ever been in a relationship with someone who is deeply insecure then you’ll know what it feels like – the pressure to constantly lift them up, or taking great care to not say or do anything that might trigger their insecurities, is exhausting. Don’t be that person. Self-champion enough that you don’t NEED it from others.
Steps to Self-Championing
How can you start to feel better about who you are? How can you stop relying on the opinion of others and simply be proud of where you are in life? Self-championing is a skill that will require some practice. Here are some suggestions on how to practice:
- Be kind to yourself and love yourself even when life doesn’t go as planned – Self-love is very important in building successful relationships. It is important to love yourself and be kind even when things aren’t going your way – even when it looks like you’re failing. Life will always throw you for a loop. Bad breakups, losing a job, impaired health, or even a bad upbringing can get the best of anyone, but it is important to self-champion. Look at it this way, you’ve made it through a lot of tough experiences, but you’re better because of them.
- Trust yourself – You must learn to trust yourself wholeheartedly. When you know yourself and love yourself, you should trust that you would not intentionally make decisions or do things that would ultimately hurt you in the long run. You must learn to trust your ability to get through the good and bad based on what you know. I have realized in the past that when I go against my better judgment, I end up in POOP. Unless you want to learn things the hard way, it is ideal for you to learn to trust yourself.
- Empower yourself – There is no better way to start being your own cheerleader than to begin empowering yourself. When you feel like you can’t accomplish something, tell yourself that you can do it. Affirmations are great ways to help with self-empowerment. Say positive things to yourself on a daily basis like, “I am worthy” and “I will get this done today”. In doing so, you are encouraging yourself to think highly of who you are and what you can accomplish. When someone puts you down, take on board what is true (if anything) and discard the rest.
- Celebrate small steps – Little things mean a lot. When you’re learning to encourage and believe in yourself, it is important to celebrate every accomplishment – no matter how small. As you celebrate the small successes, you begin to build confidence in yourself and your abilities. There’s something about giving yourself a pat on the back and saying, “Good job” that can make a small step seem so large.
- Keep learning – Knowledge is power. The more you know, the more you can accomplish in life. So I encourage you to continue to learn about life and who you are as a woman. What you learn should be something of interest to you or something that will add value to who you are. Whether you go back to school and earn your degree, work with a life coach, read relationship advice, or learn a new hobby it will certainly go a long way to encouraging you to be your own biggest fan.
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Self-Championing IS NOT….
It is important for me to note that learning to self-champion does not mean that you’re cocky, narcissistic, self-absorbed, or conceited. It is simply the art of learning self-love and appreciation.
Life is a very complex journey that requires a certain caliber of skill to get through in the most graceful way possible. Learning to self-champion is just one of those skills. When you learn how to value who you are, what you can accomplish, and you stand firm in that truth, it makes navigating life a lot easier.
If you saw yourself in the above article, I challenge you to start small and begin by affirming that you are uniquely fabulous and you can do it. As you learn to be your own cheerleader and encourager, the doors to healthy relationships will open with ease.